A letter from Jun 2nd, 2021

Dear FutureMe, rn it’s Wednesday June 2 2021 4:53 a.m, I hope that in 5 years I did become a nurse and that school was worth it, these couple of months have been very rough mentally, but lately I’ve been feeling better, now looking back at the beginning of the year I was in a very dark place and probably the most depressed I’ve ever felt, I was so sad and miserable everyday, I didn’t want to be seen by anyone, everyday was a struggle, there was days that I just didn’t want to be alive anymore, I felt like I had no purpose in life, I didn’t want to do anything and I was always tired for no reason. The person that has stuck thru with me has been my boyfriend, baby I love you, without you I wouldn’t be where I am rn, you really helped me a lot, I am sorry for sometimes making it hard to love me, I didn’t like to be touched a lot or grabbed but not because I didn’t love you but because I was so insecure of myself. I felt like I didn’t deserved your love or kindness. There is nothing in this world that I would do to replace you, you have seen me at my darkest times and not once did you ever complain, you always have that beautiful smile on your face, and the way you’d kiss me and hug me even when I would push you away helped me a lot, you made me feel loved when I felt like I didn’t deserved to be loved, and I want to thank you for that, you deserve the world and one day I hope that I’ll be able to give it to you, I’m sorry that at one point I was so shut off I didn’t want to do anything nor go anywhere and I’m sorry I don’t let you take pictures but it’s because I’m insecure but lately I’ve been trying my best to learn to love myself, instead of focusing on everything negative about me, I try to see the good side of it, it hasn’t been the easiest but I do feel better. The thing that sucks about depression that even though I had you by my side those months I still felt very alone, it felt like I had no one. So to future me I hope that in 5 years you have learned to love yourself and you graduated college and became a nurse, I hope that me and my baby are still together because I can’t see myself with out him. And I hope that you are able to forgive yourselves for not doing things right or for messing up.