A letter from May 30th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, It is summer 2021 and I have little hope for the future. (I’m cynical what can I say?) That being said I hope everything is going how you wanted it to and if not it will. I’m laying here in our bed at 2 in the morning with no goals or dreams for the future. I don’t know what I want to be and I don’t know what I want for that matter. I do know that someday I want a husband, children, another dog, a house, a job I love, happiness. I hope you have been able to make all of that more possible. I really hope your doing well, all I’ve ever wanted for us it to be happy and if your happy we’ll then we’ve done it haven’t we? If your not then I guess we just have to wait a little longer. I’m laying here as a 12 day old graduate and 40 days clean from self harm. I hope your sitting there with years added to those. I hope your glad we didn’t give up, I hope your stronger because of everything we’ve been through and not worse. We deserve so much more than we give ourself credit for. I had a horrible thought while I was typing this letter, what if there is no future me because I am dead? Which makes me hope you’ll simply laugh at that because you are happy and haven’t thought about ***** in what seems like forever. No matter what you have or haven’t done I am proud of the you reading this letter. I know how stupid we can be and how foolish our mistakes are but I’m proud of us, only we know exactly what we’ve been through. We were always so hard on ourselves and I wish we would have realized that sooner. We are so beautiful and anyone who fails to see that is an idiot. I’m so proud of us Kenzie, I hope you are too. I do fear I’m putting to much pressure on you though, I’m laying here hoping that all our problems will be solved in however many years that you read this but new problems could be forming, we might never get the happiness we want because it’s only found in movies or maybe we will I don’t know. This letter is all jumbled because I have to many things I want to say but I don’t know how to say them. With that said, I hope this letter doesn’t make you sad but makes you happy that you’ve done so much is these years. Little us would be so proud and happy for us. We did it Kenzie. (I just decided that I’m going to send this to you on our birthday. I hope you had the best birthday ever and celebrated it with people you love. Happy birthday Kenzie!)