A letter from May 26th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, When I am writing this, it will be about a month and some change before I graduate. Since you’ll be receiving this five years from now (2026), I’m not sure where you are now or what you’ve been up to. At this point you must’ve graduated college by now, unless you’ve gone back to school for your master’s degree. I’m going to assume you don’t have the motivation or dedication to pursue a doctorate, because I would even be surprised if you survived your first four years of college education to begin with. No offense, but it’s coming from you. I’m not particularly excited about graduating high school, like maybe some people are. When I was younger I was convinced that I wouldn’t live to graduate, so getting here is a little shocking to begin with. Even writing this letter, I think about all of my college friends who got their letters to themselves from when they were in eighth grade, but I know I’m never getting mine. Thinking I’d be dead before my senior year, I never had the heart to turn mine in. I was 13 then. Now, I’m rather indifferent about moving on, if anything I would just say I’m relieved to be done. High school is already a bit suffocating, and Loudoun Valley hasn’t really treated me well either. I’m hoping things get better in college, even though I will have to put in more work and effort. To be honest, as much as I hate high school, moving on terrifies me. Going to college only puts off me inevitably joining the workforce for the rest of my life, just like everybody else. Will I really be content doing the same thing for the rest of my life until I get old and wither away? Your youth is supposed to be the fun years, but I haven’t really had fun at all. I feel as if my life is stopping short, like there are so many things I’ve missed out on. Which is why I want to ask you now. Did you ever escape the restriction of a short leash? Have you felt like you’ve gotten these core memories and experiences I’m missing? Did these things ever become enough for you? Have you created a meaning for yourself? I’ve never really had the chance to live more than this meaningless life I live now, so I hope you’re not dead.