A letter from May 24th, 2021

Dear future me, hello! You should be receiving this on your 18th birthday. It's currently 9:00 am May 24 2021. I'm sitting in bed in my math class zoom call. not a lot has been happening. I go to irl school half the time. I've been failing school the whole year. The doctor put me onto depression medication recently. I'm trying to start ******* blockers. A while back I got my ADHD diagnosis. Yesterday, I came out to Tia Celia, Tio Mark, and Grandma. Olivia Rodrigo released her album recently and I've been playing it nonstop on loop. I've been super into minecraft lately and I'm just totally hyperfixated on the dream smp. My favorite person on the smp is ranboo :) You probably remember a good amount of that though. I really hope that you're doing okay. I hope that you aren't so depressed and anxious all the time. hopefully the zoloft has helped you. I hope people stop misgendering you. I hope you have more friends. Honestly I just hope you're alive and have hope for a good future. Are you planning on going to college? If so, where? Are you still thinking of going to art school? What name are you using? How is Liliana? Do you still have Dewey? What's some stuff that you're into right now? What's a song that you really like? Sorry this is really unorganized. I don't have the energy to make this into a ******* five paragraph essay with perfect grammar and spelling. Honestly I'm not really sure what to say to you and what to ask you. I mean, you're me, right? Asking questions to myself feels kind of pointless. You probably forgot that you even wrote this. I mean i only wrote this because zoe (yeah like from the gc) sent a link to it. How is the gc btw? Are you still friends? probably not considering how things are going right now. I've been on the gc for over a year now and it's crazy how much has changed. I've joked about the pandemic aging me up 5 years, but it really does feel like that. But at the same time it feels like everything was normal and fine, just yesterday. It feels like in the blink of an eye, I'm suddenly here. Relatively I'm fine but when i really think about where I am, i get sad. I've been failing school for a whole year, struggling with dysphoria, depression, taking care of myself, i don't really have friends, and just overall I'm doing "worse" than 2 years ago. It feels melancholy. that's a good word I think. It's one of my favorite words. it's bittersweet. Lukewarm and numb. I've been watching a lot of old nostalgic shows lately. Liliana and I usually watch malcolm in the middle, or gumball, or even gravity falls. I hung out with a kid across the street the other day and we watched hxh. His name is Finn and he's pretty nice I think. We like some of the same things this letter is kind of dumb. I mean maybe you're not even using this email when you're 18 and you won't see this. I guess I'm just writing this for me than. For closure that you'll make it to 18 and that you'll be happy. That there's a life to look forward to in the future. Yeah this letter is for me. Wishing you well, past you