A letter from May 22nd, 2021

this ain't gone b a msg i want 2 b reminded of i'm trynna forget all of it so i'm hoping this would help. i was abt 6 or 7 y/o back then n i was so attached 2 my dad which had my mum go nuts (metaphorically meant) so i was super scared of her n i just got 2x attached 2 my dad so she literally pulled my hair 2 bed n talked abt **** she ain't supposed 2 talk abt(not 2 a kid at least) n so my dad told my nanny 2 put us(my 3 younger bros n i) in the bath tub as a distraction cuz he was going 2 divorce her. Anyways, she started breaking the kitchenware n screaming hysterically n then smthng happened(i can't rly remember) but i was in the court w/ her against my own father(literally the thing i regret the most) the trial was abt who lives w/ who n i chose my mum n so the judge had my father pay the bills of both of our lives( basically the apartment bill, the water n electricity bill, the furniture and the monthly grocery shopping) anyways my mum took me 2 skl from that day on so my dad always tried 2 interact w/ me since my siblings also went 2 the same skl, but i always ran away from him(mum told me he had her in jail or smthng like that so i was scared) n 1 day my nanny came 2 c me n i started crying bcz i missed both my dad n her so she picked me up 2 my dad n i remember crying on his shoulder. i stopped seeing my mother 4 abt half a year i even didn't care abt the times when my brothers paid her the weekly visit, i'd always stay behind but my nanny talked me 2 it n i started caring 4 her lil by lil i also started visting her w/ my bros. tdy i'm 16 y/o n i realized i disappointed my dad by taking my mums side while he was on A **** TRIAL n i also disappointed my mum by cutting her outta my life 4 abt half a year. Bonus: i lost contact w/ my nanny after living w/ her 4 abt 10 years, lost my best friend that helped me through all that family drama at the beginning of this year. i also think i'm a lesbian.