A letter from May 22nd, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I don't know if I can live like this anymore, I don't know if I can live at all. I dont know if even want to live at all. Sometimes, all the times actually I push through. My whole life I've just pushed though, but when you do that you forget to heal you don't even think about that and that's what ***** you up. not being over anything that happened that shouldn't have happened. Im tired of everything and everyone. I'm always overwhelmed my brain is always in panic fight or flight mode. Im always angry and I don't want to be. sometimes I think about eveyrhting long term and I don't think anything will ever change sometimes. I'm starting to question whether I should even have kids because I don't want to be like my mother, I don't want to hurt my kids. and I don't think I am mentally strong to change. i feel as if I'm smarter than my own brain. i am calm mt brain is not, my heart is not. i feel like I'm stuck in this body and its not me its not who I am but it's what its used to. i don't know what to do anymore.