May 21st, 2021(7th grade)

Dear Me, hey, it looks like you're about to finish sophomore year. me and andrew broke up a little while ago, idk if you remember him but yk it happened and it was harsh in my opinion, I started cutting my wrists again and I cried a lot and I felt terrible so thought that making myself look good at school would help but not really. my anxiety attacks got bad after that and I couldn't help myself at all. I missed him a little bit until I heard about things, he told jovie, so the feeling about it kinda changed. but the plus side is, is that me and Jason are dating now after being good friends all year long, I wonder if were still together, idk maybe not but it’s the hope that counts. he makes me feel ok, he makes me feel wanted right now, he lets me talk, we tell each other crazy stories about each other. I haven't told him about dad yet tho, I know for sure tho it was still dating through the summer. I like him a lot I hope it works out. I pray that and Delilah are still friends by this time, that we still talk and laugh every day and that we really worked out as lifelong friends, same with Jackson. I have one week of school left and that means at this point in time I have 10 days until I fly to California to see dreadful dad. how’s he doing by the way, do me and cooper still have to see him this far, does cooper make the decision to not go there anymore. I mean I don’t blame him if he does make that choice. ****, when I read this, I’m going to graduate high school. I hope me and the friends I have now stayed all close through the years. are me and Lindie still friends? I wonder how she turned out. Kelsi’s bday dinner for her 16th bday is tomorrow and she’s making me wear her dress and I don’t wanna do that at all. I think I might be doing summer school this year because I’m failing a couple classes and today was the last day to turn things in but the thing is in math we haven’t had any work that ms abbotts making us do but my grade is still going down I don’t understand that liberal at all. I wanna shave my head but at the same time I don’t, should I shave it? ehhhhh I might wait till I graduate if I ever graduate. god I miss Jason rn, and I’m grounded so no talking to him rn but if he would just answer his emails then I could talk to him but he’s just a little too special to read emails. I’m avoiding dad again, so it’ll be nice to see what him and his trashy wife have to say to me when I go there. I kinda wanna cuss them both out rn, so if it comes down to it, I’m definitely going to if they try to pull stupid stuff this summer again. its 11:11 right now and all I’m wishing for is the best week ever with Jason next week so I can have fun with him before I can’t see him for the summer or at least the first month of it, it would be fun to go to the boardwalk with him again like how I did over spring break. I sometimes feel like I need him because he’s my person, and I get that we just started dating and all but at the same time I’ve known him all year and I fell for him so bad and I think I love him but it’s bad to think that you love someone it’s like you either do or you don’t you know? summer gonna be crazy this year I feel like, I can kinda already see it coming. I wonder if mom would let me go to Jason’s house and we could hang out during the summer like we could go swim and stuff because he lives at the summerbrook apartments and we could go swim and play sand volleyball too. it would be fun if I did that, and it would be fun if I actually snuck out snuck out not like how me and Kelsi go to the gas station but like to a party or just leaving when mom and magnum are asleep and we go to pick up Jason and Delilah and go get McDonald’s at 3 am, omg that is a dream of mine and kels gets her license this summer so that would be very fun. ok well I hope you live your life like how you want to and be the boss of your life and marry a GORGEOUS man and I amazing kids with him (kinda praying its gonna be Jason thooo) ok and also don’t ever forget that you are worth everything that you have ever been given so live it all out, and don’t harm yourself anymore I wanna see myself have kids and have someone love me the way I love them... see you on the other side my dear friend:)