A letter from May 17th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, (first letter from may 17th 2021!) I want you to know that I care about you a lot and i'm so sorry for what you've endured over the years. I know you've felt crazy, unheard unloved, ugly, just plain terrible, and worthless. No one can ever discount those feelings either. Not mom, Not dad, Not your lover, friends, therapists, or those people that always seem to "mean well" but never really 'speak' well lol. You were depressed. your noggin was very much ill, please don't ever forget that. All of those things in your past compile into your very own unique story of personal growth. This is your experience. please don't ever be ashamed of your past. You may look back and cringe at these past feelings and experiences, but I really hope this isn't the case for you. I hope that you are using these memories to uplift the many new faces in your future :) I want you to know that I am so proud of you and what you have become. As of today, I've decided that this is the day of true change. You've come so far with self awareness and self development, although it seems to come at a scary price. Whether you have 10 friends or one, whether you are still single or taken, whether you're making thousands, millions, or pennies, please realize that your worth isn't tied to any of those things. It is tied to what YOU say its tied to. You've always loved helping others, loving on others, and just existing in a beautiful space. I hope you've found that beautiful space. I know that growth is a looooong lifelong process, but I can't help but be so absolutely proud of where you are right now. And if no one tells you, I will FOREVER tell you. I am so proud of you. You are such a light. I (we) know that your intentions are pure so please stop beating yourself up and hyper-fixating. This year (2021) we really stepped up our dressing game and actually became **** lol. We feel so comfortable in our own skin. We gained the weight we were so hell bent on gaining our entire lives. In the RIGHT places! you look even better than you could've ever imagined. that is NO easy feat and I hope you look back and smile. I hope that you are a beautifully scented man-****** with a heart of gold lol. I hope you're helping so many people. I hope you are connecting with things that you've always loved in the past, from your childhood especially. I hope you are celebrating your wins. I hope everything we've manifested became something beautiful. I hope you are figuring so many new things out. I hope your hair is a it longer. I hope your relationship with God is back on track. The library is about to close, but I love you I love you I love you. After years of not telling you that as much as you deserve, I promise I will continue to tell you that and help you feel that love YOURSELF everyday. Life is beautiful, & your mind works for you, don't ever forget it. till next year! love, me :) lauryn. Dear future me 5 years from now (26 year old me wow) : Hi! wow I can't even imagine you, all we can do is Bless God for allowing us to get this far. Is your hair still long like we've always wanted? or did we change and decide to cut it all off lol. (cause we kinda always wanted that too....along with getting locs. if you have locs now, 1000 cool points.) Either way, i'm sure you look cool as hell. And i'm sure we appreciate the fact that we're looking cool as hell by now :) I remember being so pressed to get little wrinkles but i'm sure you make those look great too. it's so weird that I can't even identify with you and am being cautious with my words (as if you're not me lol!) anyways, no matter where you are in life, I am so proud of you. You've come SO far. I already know that you are a smart cookie now, I can't wait to see the amount of knowledge we've gained over these years :) are you dating yet? married? .....kids? I know we've always said we didn't want any but mayyyyyyybe this self improvement thing worked out and we met someone amazing that mirror us perfectly. Hopefully you're great to and for them. Hopefully they're great to and for you. we're such a hopeless romantic of course thats the first thing I wonder and ask, but PLEASE don't feel bad if we aren't there yet! or ever! because you're still amazing Lauryn without a partner to share you. We can hold off a little longer :) if you have kids, I hope you're raising them to be super self aware emotionally secure love machines. now listen. if you're going through a bad breakup instead, thats also okay. You're gonna be okay as always all ways. Time heals all as we've experienced dozens of times. I'm trying to cover all bases here because i'm just really not sure whats going on here haha but I bet life is good either way. You are on your on path, please never forget that you are not being held to any standard that you do not give to yourself. We're 21 now and going through metaphorical hell, the walls are seeming to close all around us but today is the day we decided to change. I ask that when you think of us at this age, that you don't see us as stupid, sick, degenerate and or and unworthy. Because 20-21 were the most pivotal moments of our lives where we've done the most work honestly. We're doing the best we can with what we have, look at 21 year old us lovingly please. as well as 6 year old us, 10 year old us, 17 year old us etc... we have always just done our best. Mom just told me that if i didn't have steady income at 26 that we'd have no insurance and that scared the LIFEEEEEE outta us so i'm hoping you got a good lil gig under your belt or the entrepreneur thing paid off haha. If you're struggling with anything, again, time heals all and i'm sure so many good things are still present to lean on. (like GOD! DON'T EVER GIVE UP ON HIM... HE WONT GIVE UP ON YOU) omg whats your body like I can't even imagine. Do we have aunty arms? is the booty finally sitting niiiiiceeee omg I hope you're still going to the gym. You got friends? the kind that love you and celebrate you? are you learning to do that for others? are you already there? if not, its coming, they're coming! Lauryn I love you so much and I hope you like your name now! remember what we've practiced. I know you're living in your own place, I don't expect anything less, please remember to decorate with things that make you feel alive and incorporate time that connects us with our past selves. I imagine that you are now a completely confident, happy, joyous person to be around. and if you're not, were still hella young and I know you'll get there :)but imma stop being negative ad just assume that you're already there bc i don't expect nothing less from you 26. I LOVE YOUUUUU MAAAAN forever and always. Despite anything that may happen, please don't be jaded at all by the sourness that life could possibly bring. **** that definition of adulthood. Continue to create your own definition, remember what is important to you. Love, Connection, and beautiful spaces to acknowledge the goodness of life. also share share share life is too good to be selfish with the message :) love, me a quote to always remember : “For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald, quote from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button also songs we enjoy / that will help us remember the joys of being 21 : -sleepwalk santo & johnny - Space song : beach house - Garden SZA (also reminds of being 17!) - tweaking together - bktherula - runaway : kanye west - sleep : nick hakim - motion : khalid - pretty girl : clario - It gets better with time (the internet) - read my mind : the ******* - LORENISALONE - EMPTYTRASH - Lovetalk : wavyv - string of pearls : alex isley - Sundress : asap rocky - Runaway : aurora - With My Hoe! : CD2 - Boom Clap : charlie xcx - 2 easy : ethereal - My hero - FOO fighters - Frank Ocean : solo - Frank ocean : forrest gump - Frank ocean : pilot jones -Frank Ocean - Close to you - Jaden smith : Cabin fever - JOji : slow dancing in the dark - stay so - busy signal