A letter from May 5th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I last wrote to you two years ago on this date. I'm just shy of 19 and will be celebrating my birthday next month! In the space of these two years, I have made a new friendship group, I've decided on my university and will begin my studies in September. I've met a wonderful guy; who so happens to be my boyfriend. I've never been happier, yet I feel so uneasy. I feel my happiness to be temporary and on borrowed time. The moments I spend with my boyfriend feel bitter-sweet, as though they can get ripped from beneath my feet in a single moment. I'm in a perpetual state of panic about the fact I'm doing long distance in a few months and worry about the effect it may have on my relationship with him. I feel so lucky to feel a love like this and I'm happy to be experiencing this, especially knowing how painful it can be, but this feels majestic and uniquely beautiful and whatever happens I'm more than happy with all I have experienced. Whatever you're feeling currently: embrace it, lean into it and feel it deeply, don't ride this out and above all ENJOY IT and stop denying yourself the right to indulge in the good things in your life. If they are here, then they are for you and sometimes even, it's meant to be scary. You need to learn to stop shrinking away from your dreams in life because you're scared. Fear protects you, but most importantly, fears are meant to be overcome. I've been grappling with the concept of time. How quickly it goes. How quickly it comes. How quickly you can loose it. My hands are tied on this and I realise there is no cut and dry cure for this but I desperately want some direction on how I can be more present. By doing that, I believe I would be less stressed about the future and more at peace in the now. Finally for my wish for futureme is first of all: I hope you're happy with whomever you may be with, with who you are and with where you are. Now, if the former is accomplished then I wish you success in your career. Maybe you'll log on here in 10 years time re-reading this letter with maybe a baby on your lap. Married? Maybe, only if its to the guy I'm currently seeing lol ... Love from, Me (sitting in my candle lit room, feeling grateful for this weirdly long and beautiful thing that is life)