A letter from May 5th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Right now you are 11 turning 12 in exactly a month. I -you- are going through a lot. I got into a fight with my parents saying, "Why can't I skip one day of church the pandemic is hard right now and you always want me to spend time with family. I have to make time to talk to my friends late at night because we are always busy. When you are tired we don't have to go to church but when I am I can't stay. That is unfair." I said all of this with tears in my eyes yet I was still forced to go to church. You thought to yourself if they can't understand that simple problem how will they understand you have been in pain for 3 years all in silence. You are self-harming yourself to cope. Although it is a bad way to cope you do it because you feel like it's your fault you didn't spend enough time with you grandma before she passed. Her birthday was May 3rd and you didn't know because your grandma and mom weren't that close. Now you feel horrible no one said anything, not even your mom. You are tired of life you lost Danny if that doesn't ring a bell it's the boy you thought would stay forever also the first boy you said "I love you" to. You guys are a thing anymore because you guys got into a fight he said some really messed up stuff about things you thought you could trust him with. You are moving to Indiana you don't know when or where but you want to leave already because you want a fresh start. You don't want to leave because you have some good people but the bad make you want to leave as soon as possible. When I say leave I'm not just talking about moving I also want to kms. I know right now if you are seeing this you made it and I'm proud of you. Looking back you are probably thinking how dumb you are because you are going through worse but things are getting bad. Your friends are your therapist but you are worried they are going to leave. You lost Fluffy (your dog if you don't remember) everyday you say, "I'm here another day baby I'm trying my best but its getting bad." At this point that is the only thing keeping you going and your friends. I hope you didn't lose them, but if you did I hope you found better ones or if you pushed them away I hope they understood and come back one day. Enough about me how are you. Have you found that special someone yet? Have you gotten your dream car? Right now you want a white jeep with black rims and tan interior. Is that still your dream car? How are you in school? What have you done in life? Are you mentally better? Have you gotten/went to a therapist? You should be old enough to get a job did you get one? Did you move to Indiana, if you did how was it and are you back yet? Have you told your parents about your real life and how you feel about them? What is your dream job. Right now you don't know what you want to do with your future. You tried to start a business but it got tiring because your family took the fun out of it. How did that end up, did you succeed and still doing it or did you family understand and you let it die. I bet they didn't understand but if they did I'm glad. I hope all is good if its not just know I'm proud of you and that you are doing great. I bet it felt good to read that because no one says that to me anymore. I love you. You are amazing now go show the world who you are, show them the real you if you haven't. Be confident. I wish people gave me that advice but I'm really insecure now I hope you aren't anymore. I hope you had a glow up lol. Just do you. I guess that's it good luck in life.