A letter from May 4th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, hi! I am 25 years old and could not be any more lost than right now. You're supposed to be 30 today and, uuf, this has never been an easy day to us, has it? I thought it would be nice to read some true and honest words from someone who loves you dearly, especially on a day like that. I should say I am almost crying while my fingers type these words. There are so many emotions crawling inside us, trying to reach out... but first things first: happy birthday to us. I hope, by now, you have already learned how to celebrate it properly. You should really celebrate the person you are becoming - or the person you've become. The other day someone asked us if we're happy. I obviously answered "yes" with a big smile on my face! But do you wanna know something? I lied. Yup! We are not happy right now, future me. We're living in a world crisis and every day you feel overwhelmed. There is not much to feel but despair, pain, and sadness. You are trying to be on terms with your family, but your ********* is still a huge lump on your throat. There is not a single day that I woke up and I don't wish to be true to ourselves, but the fear is bigger. That's consuming, but I'm trying to work it out. Somehow. I wish I could be bolder for us. I feel like you deserve this, but I don't have the strength yet. There is not much that we have accomplished, but I also feel I should be more proud of what we did, and the legacy we are building. It's hard, though, and I hate that we search for validation on everyone else. I want to be able to look in the mirror and smile because I do think we deserve this. I want to stop hating my body and start loving ourselves entirely. This all feels like a journey, doesn't it? The thing is: I didn't even know I should hop on this plane. Apparently, this is where the metamorphosis really begins. So, please, go outside now. Check the sun, the stars, or the moon. Even the clouds. Deep breath, eyes closed, maybe a book in your hand - am I still a huge bookworm? Enjoy this day. You deserve this. You don't need anybody else. Someone will someday love you deeply, but, for now, our love is enough. You are worthy. You are a beautiful soul. This is your day. You should, and will, enjoy (hopefully in 5 years these words will be true and not only empty lies I tell myself). Hey, I love you, ok? I really do. I wish I could take better care of us. Oh, and... I don't like my twenties. Please enjoy your thirties. Love (and hoping you're having a nice day), Past-25-Me. Currently listening to: Achilles come Down and Runaway (this one by Aurora).