A letter from May 4th, 2021

Dear Ella, I love you. I am so happy that we have grown to a point where I can say that:,) Today is my last day in AP Lit. What a roller coaster this year has been. I have been very emotional about this chapter closing. I am excited to go to UVU and peruse theatre but as high school is coming to an end I find myself crying. I am so grateful for the person this place made me. These last two years especially, I found myself more than baby ella ever thought she would. I still struggle, I don't know exactly who I am but I am beginning to think I never will and that there is something beautiful about never fully knowing yourself because you're growing and changing every day. But for right now I can say I know ella jones pretty well. She is kind, nervous, and very funny. This year was a bit sad at the beginning. I got dumped, lost student body vice president and all my friends moved away all in about the span of one week. The literal first week of my senior year. But regardless I kept going. I was really lonely this year, to be honest, I still am. Because of Covid, I didn't make any new friends, I spent most weekends at my house, and I joined the glee club because I was desperate for any sort of connection, but I am learning that loneliness is an inevitable part of life. I think that as I venture into this new chapter the loneliness won't get much better for a while, but I am trying to feel okay about that. I always have me. And so does my mom, Kay always has me too. Even in the loneliest times I and Kay always have my back. I love my friends so much but I learned they aren't reliable, and that was a hard pill to swallow in the midst of a pandemic. I learned the hard way that I am never going to be someone's priority so I gotta start being that for myself. I just can't believe I made it through. I finished high school, I am turning 18, and I really am going to be a full adult. That's insane! I learned so much about myself and the world. I am really nervous to go out into the world and start being my own person but I know it is the right thing to do. Because usually when something is scary that means that it is worth doing (jenny taught me that). I am endlessly proud of myself. I know that I can do hard things and that growth is just the product of courage. I hope to try to be courageous every day of my life. I love myself, I love all the I have done, and I love all that I am. I hope by the time you're reading this you are still being kind and courageous. Take luck, I believe in you shawty. -Ella Jones 17 years old