Life's a Mess

Dear FutureMe, I've decided to write a third letter, but make the time span longer for an even more distant jump. Even though I don't even know how long the first letter was set for. It is May 3rd, 2021, we'll be 16 in August, you know what day. My favorite band is Stray Kids, favorite song is a collab they did called "Going Dumb," because it reminds me how I feel about our boyfriend. Speaking of which, we've already reached our 10 month anniversary, but that didn't mean we got any call leeway, mom is still cracking down on the whole call thing. We're still recently grounded (more like at-home probation, as they even called it that themselves), where all of your freedom, trust, and connection to the outside world is gone. Did I mention privacy? Remember the first few days where they made Hailie come in the bathroom with us? It was ridiculous, luckily they dropped it. My art has been the best it's ever been lately, and I've never been so proud of what I've made. Sadly, due to my connection to the outside world being cut completely, I haven't gotten to post a single thing haha. About that, you know how we were so excited to finally have the confidence to participate in Mermay unlike last year? Well, you know already what it is this year. You can't participate, or at least I can't. I'm still afraid of mom, and I have horrible walls built up with no progress removing them as of yet. Not sure when, maybe months, but walls might not ever come down. Not this time. You have been clean for 4 days. You relapsed after being 2 years clean, we haven't forgiven ourselves yet. You are behind in school, or I am. Only passing one class at the moment haha, it's hell. Nothing of importance is coming up to mind, other than my friendships being the group, Anna, and Julian. With me wanting the leave the group again, and Julian being another BPD favorite person. Life is hell, again, it's just f*cking hell. Take care, future Ethan.