A letter from Apr 30th, 2021

Dear 18-year old me, Hey you. 12 year-old you speaking. How's life? Still alive? Barely hanging in there? Whatever the case, I'm glad you're reading this letter. Obviously you're still alive, so that's what matters, right? Has the world gone to ****? New strains of COVID? Apocalypse? WWIII? Has the government fallen apart? It would be quite interesting if it did. Well. You made it. Happy 18th birthday. One year closer to *****, and now you're on level 18 of your life. Decided what college you're going to? You probably have chosen by now. Driving yet? Graduated yet? When is/was graduation? What did you wear/ what are you wearing? Alright, enough of the small talk. Y'know all the voices in your head, telling you "don't speak up, you've talked too much" or "no, don't say that, you'll sound stupid" or "what if they're just pretending to be nice?". Give those voices a nice big slap on the cheek and say to them, "**** you". Go for it. The big leap. Say that thing you've been meaning to say. Tell that person you love them. Present your case. Because at the end of the day, if someone hates you, they hate you. Does it really matter? It hurts too much to keep inside, so let it out. I should be using this advice, but right now I'm too scared to say it. I'm telling you this now because you've grown. You've met new people, tried new things, changed up your look, and you've physically and mentally grown. You know who to trust, and have more people to trust. Right now, I don't have anyone I can trust. I'm saying this now so you don't do something you'll regret. Are you still afraid? Well, you're 18. A legal adult, and you should act like one. Put on your big girl panties, because it's time to face the world. You can't keep running away from your emotions. It's time to confront them. You are more than ready. You don't have to shoulder all the weight of your emotions; you don't have to go through this alone. If there's someone out there you can trust, talk to them. If you leave things unspoken, you might do something you'll regret for the rest of your life. Drugs won't help, alcohol won't help. Maybe nothing will help. But by sharing some of your pain, it might start to get lighter. By getting the help you need, you don't have to feel that pain in your chest anymore. And hey, if you've already done these things, here's a nice big hug. Because you've fought the anxiety. You've fought the depression. You've fought the voices. ****, you've fought a whole war. Because even when you feel you're not worth it, or you're so ugly, just remember. I love you. There are people in your life that love you. Society has created this stigma around "lighter skin, big doe eyes, small nose, chiseled face, slim waist, big *****, big ***, hourglass figure" being beautiful. But everyone has imperfections. No amount of plastic surgery will ever make you beautiful. Because beauty is subjective. Societies' version of beauty isn't asian. All the qualities of a so called " beautiful woman" in the US are centered around being white. Because their version of beauty is different. So is yours. So even though you feel like your lack of *****, larger nose, and round face aren't beautiful, just remember. Beauty is subjective. If you leave the US and go to Japan, per say, you could be considered a model. Because even if you think no one will ever love you because of how you look, there could be someone out there that loves you just the way you are. Not just because of how you look, but because of you. Your personality, your sense of humor, etc. Loving someone shouldn't be based on looks. If you married someone who was hot as hell, but had a terrible personality, chances are you'd be divorced in a month. So once again, happy birthday. Give yourself a nice big hug, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and remember what you've gone through. A whole *** pandemic, stress from school, college admissions, other future events, possible heartbreak. Now think about where you are now. Are you satisfied yet? It's ok if you're not yet. You've still got a long way to go. We just have to keep on living. Here. A cake. For you. Happy Birthday! 🎂 **** you <3, 12 year old you.