A letter from Apr 29th, 2021

I wonder how far you’ve gotten in life. You’re 26 now. That’s kind of scary isn’t it? Or at least it seems a bit scary to me right now. Do you still have the same goals in life? I really want to be a writer. I want to create worlds and characters that people will love. Have you been able to do that yet? If that, that’s okay. You will when you’re ready. :) if you have, I’m so proud of you. I knew you could do it. It took a lot of time and hard work didn’t it? It all did. Was it worth it? I’m sure it all will be eventually. Oh, have you gone to Japan yet? That’s the top of my bucket list. I really want to go there someday. Maybe even live there. I want to go in the springtime and go on the Ferris wheel in Odaiba. There are so many beautiful places I want to see. What about your job!? Where do you work now? I hope it’s not some low paying 9-5 job that you’ve settled for. You can do better than that and you know it. Have you gotten any internships? What do you do with your life now? I still have no idea what I want to do. Maybe a teacher, accountant. Something that makes money. I’ve been told I’m really smart and great with numbers, but I really don’t want to live to work, but I need the money to live. I’m working on getting my Science GED right now. You passed the Math GED with flying colors, remember? That place was so creepy. I thought I was going to get kidnapped. I feel really far behind in life right now. It’s been hard. Most days I just kind of sit in bed and I hate it. I know I’m wasting my time. I could be doing so much more. Even if the pandemic never hit, I don’t think I’d be anywhere much different. I have too many ideas to chose what I want to do with my life. It’s gets too overwhelming and I just give up. I hope you’ve changed that mindset and you know what you’re doing now. You deserve to be happy. What do you do on your free time? I like to make edits, or watch anime. Right now my favorites are Bungo Stray Dogs, Fruits Basket, Attack on Titan and Erased. I kind of have a bad habit of daydreaming and forgetting what I have in the real world. I really want to shift. Have you done that yet? I’m still working on a script. I want to shift and make the time very fast there, so I can spend months there in one night. I want to learn so many things. I mainly want to shift because I’m scared I won’t have time to do the things I want here. I’m worried. I want to shift so I can learn unlimited things, meet my comfort characters, see beautiful places and finally be a hero or something. I’ve wanted to be a hero since I was a kid. It’s a bit childish, but I never grew out of it I guess. 21 and I still want to be some superhero. I think deep down I just want to be wanted and have my talents recognized. How are Mom, Dad and Manda? Your relationship with Mom and Dad haven’t really been the best. I hope you’ve found a way to patch things up, or address any problems. When was the last time you checked in on them? Is your hair long!!? What do you look like now!? I’m really scared of getting old and wrinkly. I already have wrinkles. My hair is pretty short right now, only to my nose, but it’s the longest it’s been in awhile. It’s all red from the black fading. I’m trying to grow it out. I haven’t had long hair since I was 11. I found a pair of my pants from 8th grade the other day and I still fit in them. They don’t fit the same way they used to, but they still fit. I haven’t grown at all, just gotten fuller and a littler more wrinkled. How’s your acne? That **** is annoying. I still wish I never got that implant. I had never had acne before that thing. It’s left so many holes in my face. It makes me sad. Do you still cosplay? I’m kind of too broke for it right now. I haven’t even made a video on tiktok in months. Is tiktok even a thing still? I wonder how much you’ve grown. How different you are. I hope you still have that spark. I’ll try my best not to lose it. I know it’s hard, but it’s going to be worth it. Daisy is 15 right now. She’d be 20 for you. Is she still around? I’m going to miss her hair all over everything. I know I complain about it a lot, but I’m sure you miss it too. Did you end up turning her into a necklace? That idea seems kind of dark. I hate the idea of cremating them, but I really don’t want to leave her behind. She’s always been with me. Is it weird sleeping alone? I used to get so mad when she’d lay on me or get in my way at night when I was trying to sleep because she’d flare up my allergies. I’d chose a stuffy nose over losing her any day. Why do we have to live longer than them? It doesn’t seem very fair. I know you’re constantly worried about getting older and losing so much time. You’ve never been able to do the things you wanted, and more and more times keeps going by. Honestly, 26 is still so young. Stop freaking yourself out. You’re even doing it right now, at 21. You cried earlier today because you realized how fast things are going yet you somehow feel stuck. I hope you’ve long gotten out of that spot because I’m trying my best. It better pay off. Even at 26 there is so much you can do. Do you have and cool new friends? Do you go out with them? Do people recognize you for your work/books/creations? I hope they do. I know some pretty bomb 50 year olds, you have nothing to worry about. What about kids? I doubt you have any yet. You want to travel a lot and move pretty freely. Do you even have a partner or are you still with Hayden? I know you have problems with letting people in. You’re scared of loving them and losing them. I hope you’ve been able to open up more. You don’t even have any friends right now, besides Sophia. She’s been there since Kindergarten. What’s she up to now? Do you guys still talk? I hope so. I know you feel like it’s your fault she ended up where she did, but it’s not. What about your identity. I’m sure you’re still confused as ever. You’ve always had a problem with that. You’re constantly trying to find yourself, and that’s okay. I don’t think I have much more to say. I kind of did this spontaneously. I hope life has gotten better for you, and you’re living it the best that you can. You deserve to be happy and experience those beautiful things. Oh, and Happy Birthday :)