endings...

Where my oldest memories begin, since I was six my thoughts of ending life have plagued me. Curiosity of *****, the desire for it. Times closest to committing the deed the instinct to survive always prevailed. In the moment of that choice my mine waged war with itself. To put it to words it may have been the feeling of hopelessness. ***** forever will be on my mind. To potentially have all the feelings fade away, after the piercing pain, is a dream at times. The curiosity of living lure me too, of all I could be, I get lost in dreaming all it's paths. I wonder who you are reading this, how we have changed. Was the choice to stay worth it? I love you. It is crazy how much I change in a few years, the mundane present playing out into fruition. I don't like it because I cannot see it coming. Though to get there I need to live in the now, embrace every stage of life. To not dwell on what could have been because I lived every moment fully.