i hope the depression is gone...

Dear FutureMe, Hello Nicole...its me Nicole (lol). It is Christmas Eve 2005. I am sitting here in my pink "Santa's Little Vixen" pjs and my pink fluffy slippers. I just farted too. Thats something I could only tell myself! Zach is sleeping and I just yelled at him and feel bad now, but he has to learn that when its bedtime, he needs to stay in bed. Of course, we both know I am battling depression and I hope I have overcome it by now. There is so much pain and anxiety inside me as of today and I am not sure if i'll ever get rid of it. My break-up with jeremy was the worst i ever had and i have no desire to be with another man unless he has kids and is ready to settle down. So i hope u have found a good man by now. Someone who is a friend as well as a lover, a good lover! Its hard to see myself as a 45 year old woman. I hope I still look yound and feel young. Not too overweight and not too bitter. Most likely with no more kids, maybe a nurse? Its hard to say with me. Probably still in st auggie in the shores. I really don't have much motivation to go anywhere else. But maybe with wisdom and courage things will change for me. I have a feeling that once i get back on prozac it will happen. So with that said, may the future be with me and God look over me!!! Love, Nicole (my own worst enemy)