A letter from Apr 18th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, wow ur the big old 21. ***** if ur getting this, it means u got this far and u didn't give up. I AM PROUD, and thats on period. how's life, wat u doing??? nah this is just so weird writing to my future self and i know damm well i will cringe when i read this. lets start this off with writing about my life in this moment. well grandma just died about a week ago. Mama been doing good, the aunties sleepover everyday. i'm so done with them, i know there here to support mama, but we legit have things to do, school, work. like i'm already stress enough. Well this should be sending 5 years into the future, 2025, meaning it is 2020 right now. 2020 should be in the history books, coronavirus, bush fires, floods, #blacklivesmatter, the group anonymous exposing the **** out of the government and much much more. 2020 has been the most terrible year yet and here we thought 2019 was bad. Its like the self-destruction of the world, a revolution. Hell is the world the same as it was, i feel like 2020 is a dystopian tragedy. i know damm well we all feel like were in a movie or book, this year feels like a whole simulation to see what happens if the world went into tragedy. the whole world went into lockdown, schools, shops, restaurants, everything shut down. but us living in australia it was not that bad at all. well while 2020 is a crap show, how is 2025. wait is the world even the same anymore or what, cause even though in 2020 our pollution rates went down, everything else became tragic. well enough about 2020, its your BIRTHDAYYY. how does it feel being 21, are successful, have a job or still trying to provide for yourself. how are the siblings, the parents and everyone, i seriously hope everybody is healthy and happy. ohh do you still have the same highschool friends, alanna, mikayla or nah, i hope you do you guys were there to support each other. but if you don't, its okay every good thing ends at one point. anyway what are you studying or did study, did you do something with being in army cadets or nah. oh you just got nominated to go to lance corporal course i seriously hope, you got accepted you really do deserve it. and if you did congrats and i am so proud of you. She was beautiful like no other, she broke until it was her end She was beautiful like no other, she flourished until she won again -Lula R. B. hell do you still live in australia, all i do these days is talk about how i want to leave this place. i bet you didn't though you were born here, its your home with all your saddest and happiest memories. if you did wow, i clap for you. wait did you take that gap year you always talked about, the one after high school so you can travel the world and discover yourself. i hope you did it'll be refreshing after being stuck at the hell of a school nazareth, eww i vomit just thinking about it. lol im actually at school in this moment, im sitting in a corner as a year 10, we have a free study lesson as we have exams coming up in a week, first exams fun. pretty sure im gonna fail i have legit skipped every topic we have done in both science and math, but have somehow gotten passing grades in the assignments and test. if i did pass please clap for me in the future. well lets talk about how i feel right in this moment. i feel sad, depressed, tired, useless, a bit of happiness in me, the tiniest bit. life is so draining. tip to self: don't live up to other people expectations be who you want to be. why is that people have to be who others want you to be, we all have one chance to live and live being you. a couple weeks ago at school the school's leadership staff told us to be and i quote 'be good christian kids' 'it's sad that you don't care about others opinions on you, that's not a happy and successful life' why tho im happy be me, its like air is flowing through your body at all times being who you want to be. i was get told that me being a girl is to make tea, cook food and look after kids in the future to a good agar man. WHYYYY can't i marry the person who loves me for me why is it that the only exception is someone in my tribe. i continue to ask myself that question. at this point i'm just rattling on and you must be confused on what i'm saying. to be honest i had so much hope for this letter but i'm tired and i have no energy in me anymore for anything especially this. but i'll end it off with a good old quote of mine. People fly like birds Trying to find their destiny But I stay stuck on the ground with no purpose No way up, cause I don’t have enough determination But this my revolution So I’m gonna thrive until I can do this I’m gonna beat every demon Until I win this -Lula R. B. p.s. finish writing that book you have so much potential. p.s. again, Just place your hand on your heart. Can you feel it? This is called purpose. You are alive for a reason. So don’t ever give up. LOVEEEEEE :), 2020/2021 me