A letter from March 23rd, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I'm so happy and excited at the same time. Guess what? I have now a dream course, and it's BS Psychology. I know that path won't be easy because yk psychology, I have to deal with people who had a mental illness. But that reason alone made me want to pursue it because I want to help people who had a mental illness, a suicidal person, and such. I, myself had suicidal ideation, it's not easy in my case because tbh I don't have someone to talk to about my case. Yknow what's hurt the most is that the people who supposed to be comfort zone are the cause of your depression. I hate them for neglecting me as if I wasn't their daughter as if I wasn't important to them. I'm so tired of questioning myself, I am so tired of crying myself to sleep, I am so tired of faking a scenario in my head, a scenario wherein they treated me better. God knows how many times I begged him to take me to him. He was the one who saw how I tried to cut my pulse, but I couldn't do it because I know I don't want to die yet, I just want PEACE OF MIND. I WANT TO BE LOVED. I became happy when BTS found me, I was like "God, is this the answer to my prayer?". Because of BTS I sometimes forgot how people in my real-life hurt me, neglect me. I've had had a lot of realizations. Honestly, right now I am so proud of myself because, since the day BTS found me, those thoughts I have back then are now gone. Like, whenever I am sad or they hurt me verbally and mentally, I always listen to BTS music and Pray to God. I am so happy, really!. Hope someday I will be able to use my voice to help other people who are suffering because of their mental health. Well, I ain't called ADORABLE REPRESENTATIVE M.C. FOR YOUTH for nothing. I'm gonna make BTS proud, someday. I will help people, I will be their voice. SOON! PUHON!