A letter from March 20th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Wow your 18 now right cool! Is it? Anyway here is the letter again cringey as ever but it really was how I felt. I do hope you read these. I know this is meant to be to your lover or something but I dont think I have ever been in love. Well not real love although I dont really know what that feels like, I suppose you are just meant to know. When ever someone asks me how I am or if Im ok I will always thank them because it makes me so happy. Although I cant remeber the last time someone did that, like actually asks not just being polite. I just went back to school a couple weeks ago and its terrible. I know anyone can say this cliche thing but I truly mean it. I feel like ever single day mushes to the next, like nothing changes and nothing will. I dont remeber what I have done or learnt and it just feels so pointless. And it terrifies me that people say these are meant to be the best years of your life. But honestly I think you should try and make every year the best year of your life and stop waiting around for your future. But what can I do! I know thats an excuse but its illegal for me to stop going. I sometimes think I should just run away but where and with what money. And that is why I feel stuck or like im drowning every minute. Nothing it do is good enough and nothing I do matters. I get so angry sometimes like I could just explode. Then I cry. I stare up and my bright light with my back to the door and cry. But it never helps I always end up feeling just as bad. Because nothing can stop this feeling. Sometimes I just wanna run. Run as far as I can and get out of here but then I get tired and get drawn back to reality. I am stuck in a loop and I am sick of it. Writing this is just making me feel more hopeless. So I am sending this to my future self. So you can read this and tell me how you are now. I really wanna know how its going. But I cant I guess ill just try and wait. Maybe you will laugh at this letter and say I was being dramatic. I feel like the whole world is laughing at me like its a joke. Like life is a joke and I just have to live it. See you soon love Ag