A letter from March 20th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, My life has been...hard to explain but a mess. 2020 was crazy. But you already know the public stuff, so let's talk about the personal stuff. I found out I liked girls. Then I found out I wasn't a girl. Not a quite boy but not a girl either(still not out btw). Everytime I would look in the mirror I would want to throw up, and when I saw another girls photo I would break down into tears. I would try my hardest to look pretty, but nothing would work. Makeup, new clothes, styling my hair differently, even 5 minute craft hacks lol. Some days I would randomly start crying, even when nothing is sad, just thinking about life. I would cry stressed out from online school, and then cry some more after mommy yelled at me for being "lazy" when in reality I'm just overwhelmed and stressed. Like seriously I'm only twelve God **** it. What would make it even worse is that the school laptops suck butt, so when their time finally comes to be used everyday for even just the base of school they decide to be all weird and glitchy. I wouldn't even be able to type ONE WORD without it going crazy. I got my phone taken away multiple times because I would try to avoid using my chromebook whenever possible. I almost failed all of my classes 1st quarter. I broke down multiple times when my laptop would literally just stop working. Those stupid school chromebooks caused me so much **** stress. And the teachers barely cared! I would tell them that my laptop was really glitchy and that's why i would leave and come back like 400,000 times each class or that's why it's taking so long for me to turn stuff in. And they just say "Okay Rebekah/Bekah just try as hard as you can." like I'm not already trying as hard as I can to not FAIL and get screamed and yelled at by my stupid mother. Oh, and speaking of my mother, she did some ****** up **** so let me jog your memory a little bit. So basically CPS got called by the school after Hannah, Sarah, and Mommy got into a fight about grades and stuff, and Hannah made a list of all the bad things she's done because she kept saying how ShE'S ThE PerFecT MoTher and stuff. And you know this already, but she held my head under water against my will for about 45 seconds and proceeded to threaten to **** me and bury me in the backyard, and nobody would care or notice. And obviously Hannah put that on her little list, and the school saw it because she was on her school email. so CPS was called. Bruh, and the stupidest part of it all was that mommy blamed CPS being called on us because we got mad we got our phones taken away and we called them. Mind you I STILL HAD MY PHONE. So then Hannah and I had to go to Miss Norma's house, but Sarah couldn't go because she was already eighteen. As we were leaving I thought i was about to finesse mommy and sneak my phone but I got caught and she took it. Also this all happened in October 2020 right? It is now mid March 2021 AND I STILL DON'T HAVE MY PHONE!!!!!!! I haven't had my phone for 5 MONTHS for something I WAS THE VICTIM OF. And then while we were at Miss Norma's house my Mother had THE AUDACITY to TAKE MY LAPTOP( my personal one not the school one) because she said we were on social media on it -_-. Like are you serious!?!?! Like you commit ******* CHILD ABUSE and don't get punished AT ALL and then get angry at us for being on ******* INSTAGRAM! So she left me with the glitchy *** school chromebook. And at that point I had been punished(for something I DIDN'T DO) ENOUGH bro. And the fact I STILL don't have my phone and I'm writing this on my school laptop(that was fix btw) because my personal laptops charger port broke and I know mommy is going to say no to fixing it because it's too expensive is honestly crazy. Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.....that was my 2020. Pretty crazy right? Love, Past Rebekah