A letter from March 15th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I’m 20. I’m alone in my room right now sitting in my underwear and a sweater, which makes no sense bc it’s cold asf but I just didn’t feel like putting on pants at the moment. I just danced as my workout for the day because I was just feeling so excited that I had all this pent up energy inside me. You know what I’m talking about right? I hope you remember and still get that sometimes because it’s something so special and I haven’t met anyone else who’s expressed that same sort of emotion to me. I usually write these when I’m sad but I’m so incredibly happy right now. I’m so grateful. Here’s a list of some things I’m grateful for at the moment: 1. I have the best friends ever: Risha. She’s just like me and I feel so at ease with her. Every time we FaceTime it’s so fun and we help to motivate each other and I’m so grateful. I hope you still workout with her sometimes, even after quarantine. Priya Kale. Even if we don’t talk in forever, we understand and just know it doesn’t mean anything in regards to our friendship and I’m so happy about that because she’s a friend I can never let go. Neha. She and her family just dropped off food for Tash and I because her mom knew we were home alone and wanted to give us homemade food. We were running low on food too bc we haven’t gone grocery shopping in forever and it was just the nicest thing ever. Neelagreev. A friend I literally can talk to about anything. I’m sad that he’s sad a lot of the time because he’s so awesome and he deserves so much more out of life. I hope he catches a break and finds his happiness. Check in with him for me, would you? Sidharth. Weirdly, your ex is now one of your best friends? Maybe you over share a bit much but he’s always good for an interesting and intellectual conversation. I’m glad you both know you work better as friends and were able to make it work so well. Maybe you’re still in contact with him? He’s definitely going places so catch up with him because I’m sure he’s doing something insanely cool right now. A lot of other friends too that you’re kinda out of touch with right now but are still there if you need them: hira, kchari, ishx 2. Tashu. She’s so amazing and I can’t wait until we get a tattoo together (hopefully very soon). I always wished we were closer when I was younger and now we are and I’m so so so thankful because she is beyond awesome. I was so scared to tell her about a boy on tinder I was talking to (Ash, if you even remember him) but she was so supportive and chill about it even though I thought she was going to yell at me for some reason? I have to remember she’s not mom and I’m also 20 years old and this isn’t dangerous or weird anymore as long as I’m safe. She’s the best sister ever and I’m so lucky to get to live with her right now and I know I’m gonna miss this. I want you to remember you appreciated it. 3. I’m feeling pretty right now. I am so cute in such an average looking way and it’s amazing. I’m not hot enough where people would like me only for my body or face so the guys who like me must actually like me for me, right? This kinda ties into the boy who likes me (although I DO NOT only feel pretty bc of that obviously). Idk, it’s kinda nice to have the attention again but I’m obviously not gonna read too much into it until we actually meet and see if we vibe in person. If you’re looking back on this and cringing that would be really funny. I wonder if this turns into anything. Well, I guess you know and I’m going to find out soon enough. 4. I finally feel okay with being 20, at least for today. I’ve been having such a hard time mourning my teenage years that I haven’t been enjoying my life right now. I’m in my ******* prime, I need to start acting like it. I’m sending this to 5 years from now, so you are also in your prime still and you better be acting like it too ESPECIALLY because you’re not living in a pandemic right now. You better add that to your gratefulness list right now. 5. Music exists and finding a new song you love is such a great feeling. 6. I ate a lot of **** this week (like half of the TJs dark chocolate peanut butter cups in two days, pizza, charcuterie board, pasta, rice, etc.) and I don’t feel guilty about it. For a period of time in quarantine I couldn’t have said that was true and I’m so glad I didn’t develop a full blown eating disorder because I love food too much to care about calories. Life’s too short to care about calories. 7. I have a nice body even if I have a (littleee bit of a) belly. Who cares? If someone doesn’t like my belly that’s their problem. My stomach doesn’t need to be flat, that’s just the diet culture talking and I no longer **** with that. 8. Tash and I are home alone and we have complete control of our lives and emotions right now. It’s so amazing even if it’s only for two more weeks. 9. I am safe. I am healthy. I am financially stable. I have shelter and warmth, even when I joke about how cold the house is all the time. I have the basic necessities to live life and I get to enjoy the luxuries. I can never take that for granted. Ever. 10. I don’t feel depressed or overwhelmed at this moment of time even though I have a hard week coming up. It’s going to be okay. I’m gonna make it through and you’re proof of that. Anyways, I hope that made you happy and I hope you make a list right now and send it to 5 years in the future too. I’m gonna do this more often so you might get multiple of these in the coming years. Stay grateful forever. Love ya, Nikita (20 years old)