A letter from March 13th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Happiest 26th birthday! Hello there! Siguro magugulat ka kung sino ba 'tong nagpadala sa'yo ng email e wala ka namang na-visit na site in the past few days (at nagfill-up since mahilig ka rin doon, since you're a veeeeery curious mind). Ako 'to, the girl in her twenties who got very curious kung ano bang feeling ng makatanggap ng letter from her past self. I typed this in my Notes app sa phone, and I'll be deleting it the moment I sent it to you. It's like time-travelling, 'no? I think I'll make it a bookmark, for what happened five years ago. I have decided to send you this on your birthday so you can see just how far you've come. At para naman maiyak ka kahit na paano. Wala lang, para cute. Milestones that you have overcome in the past five years. Pak laban na laban ka na naman girl. Happy birthday ulit. Sana may valid ID ka na HAHAHA. Korni mo kung wala pa. Five years ago, you were at home. You just had a walk with Tita Beth, your sister, and Tathi. It was 9:18. You didn't even eat dinner and just drank soft drinks, took a bath and went to twitter, listening to your Taylor Swift playlist on your music player because Spotify doesn't seem to cooperate. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan ang message na 'to para sa'yo. You know how I am, awkward with words, like there are so many things to be said, but there just seems to be no order for it. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ako ang Editor-in-Chief ng The Sizzlers. Hindi ko alam. I just don't. Siguro gusto ko lang malaman mo kung gaano na kalayo ang narating mo. Kung ikukumpara ngayon, anong nagbago? Ngayon kasi, kakatapos mo pa lang sa first sem mo sa 3rd year pati na rin sa mga requirements for recognition ng pub. Next week would be second sem, and honestly you're not too thrilled, because this would mean more sleepless nights and stress. You're always so stressed these days, ayaw mo lang aminin. You're always so angry din when insisting you're right. But I was right, wasn't I? Five years ago you were fuming yet you just shrugged it off by saying okay, kest I say more words I'll be regretting for the rest of my life. How about you? For the past five years, how is your "anger issues"? Do you let things pass to keep yourself from fuming? Let me know how you handle situations, I know you're doing better than you ever were. That's a Swiftie reference. Hope you're still a Swiftie, though. She's fire these days and you've been stanning her harder than ever. Anyway, how was your writing going? You had a pending 3-chapter short story and at least ten writing prompts in your head. Did you finish any of those? Nadagdagan ba ang writing prompt mo? I wanna hear more about them. I hope you wrote the one about the gatekeeper's daughter where the protagonist is, well, the descendant of the lineage that keeps the different fabrics of reality in check. They're like the gatekeepers that make sure that no realities cross each other. It started when you always pass by those guys in a red car, and imagined a love story based on if you were to meet one of them by crashing into their car because you just learned to ride your bike, and ended up like that because you tore the fabric of reality or something. I've written in case you have forgotten all about it. If you did forget, that's okay. If you managed to write it, then I hope you're proud of yourself because I am. I always say that you are destined for greater things, and I know you have it in you. Are you still friends with your soul sister? I hope you are. She's a very precious treasure that I never thought I would encounter in my lifetime. Thank her for all that she has done. For being the sister that she was, for pushing you beyond writing, because she was the salt and light that encourages. She has recommended books that trigger your imagination, and I don't want you to lose her. I don't want you to part ways with her, even if the world would try to tear you apart. It's one of the things that I ask of you: do everything to keep her in your life. I may not know of the future, but the present is enough to prove that she is a friend through and through. She is very much one of the things that I hope you keep (alongside stanning Taylor and your love for reading and writing, and seeing the world in the lens of an imaginative child). Did you ever give Lola the perfume you promised her for her birthday? It's days from now and you still haven't bought the thing. I hope you do, because it's one of the things I remember she wanted. Is she still there? Did she see you as you graduated, have she persevered through the years? I love you, todong-todo. Mabangga man sa pader, I love you pa rin. Say these to her, will you? Tell her I miss her, so much. We have been apart for most of the year and now I imagine you must be allowed out. Give her another Tatiana if you can afford it, as well as your hugs and kisses from me five years ago. Did you get to see the Boys and Girls concert after all? It's due in September this year and you are soooo thrilled to go, listening to their songs (well not all because Taylor Swift supremacy is a thing, after all) that you know. Did you have a great time? I hope you did see them, and sang your heart out to all of their songs. How's your lovelife then? Do you have someone yet? Right now (in my now), you don't have much luck with opening up to people who can potentially break your heart just yet. Besides there are far more things you need to prioritize, like loving yourself and studying, you literally have no time for broken hearts. I want to make a bet that you still don't have someone. If I'm right, treat everyone with pizza or chicken wings (you're crazy about them) or whatevah. You have your whole life ahead of you to enjoy things, and discover yourself and I know you wouldn't want to settle down just yet. I imagine you loved yourself in the past five years, went to countries you only see in pictures (or tried to go), doing what single people do in their lives. Hope you're the independent woman I envisioned you to be. You ever realize why I have so much hopes for you? I'm setting high expectations, because I already said it, but I'll say it again: I know you're destined for greater things. I hope the best for you because I know you'll want to make it happen. I know you'll want to strive and be somewhere you've never been before. But I want you to be kind to yourself, and be patient in your growth. Take the time to be the better person, I want you to be the kind of person with overflowing love and patience of a matured person. I might not know where I see myself five years from now, but I know it's somewhere that God destined me to be in. I hope you still value family by the time you've been to the places you wanted to reach. No matter where you end up, family is still family. I hope you remember, and never forget that even in the past few years. I hope you stand up for what's right, demand for good governance and be the brave woman that was just beginning to grow. I hope your anger is not suppressed, but controlled and directed in the right matters. I hope you'll return to my moment and realize how far you've come. I hope you're proud of yourself and all that you have overcome and what you continue to overcome. Magpatuloy ka, kahit gaano kahirap. Magpahinga ka, pero huwag titigil. Mahal kita. Those five years meant years of enduring the insufferable standards you set to yourself, and if you still stand braver than ever, then congratulations. It is quite a challenge to stay with you even in the worst time that you encountered in your entire life. I love you, and I hope you do love you. Hope you write to yourself in the future. See you in five years! xoxo, ace