A letter from March 10th, 2021

Dear Mollie, Firstly - happy birthday, the day better be full of happiness, green and blacks butterscotch chocolate and Netflix! March 2021 – the world has just erupted over the Meghan and Harry interview; you have just finished your first day back after online school and the third lockdown. Currently lost about who you are, the future, your purpose and why you deserve to feel anything let alone be alive. Stressing out about what uni course to take, your personal statement, what to have for lunch tomorrow, when you’ll be able to fit the rest of Suits in, wondering if you'll ever find the motivation or hope to achieve the life you want but cannot yet fully imagine. The foundations are built around a London townhouse, with a vast library where you sit with a coffee and read every day, full of plants and huge windows that give the place life, cool views as well. A career in politics or law – something you are proud of. But it is built around happiness, love, and acceptance. Acceptance of who you are and understanding that you deserve to feel something, happiness, love, sadness. I know to achieve the full goal I'll have to check-in in a little more than 5 years, but I hope whatever you are doing, wherever you stand right now that you are okay. For the last few years you’ve been feeling **** – just take a look at that notes app that you started in 2018 :). Holding daily pity parties for yourself, very alone, little hope for the future, wondering where in life you’ve gone wrong and why everyone seems to give up on you. Probably because of the attachment issues and, ironically, abandonment issues that mean you push everyone away. Struggling to understand why anyone would ever like you because you feel so worthless and underserving of feeling anything. Empty and fed up. Very alone in this dark space called your head. For some reason you still want to try and, with the small hope you’re hanging on to, you hope for a future where you have continued on this self-love journey and you are happy, or at least okay. Begging that you learn the only way you will feel okay and whole again is through growing and learning. Your own validation should be enough, stop trying to find it in other people, attention does not mean love. And despite what your brain is telling you, it will be okay, everything happens for a reason and you have to hang on. You will end up where you are supposed to be. I hope you have learnt to be kinder to yourself. I hope you have found genuine happiness. I cannot tell you what I feel like yet, but I bet its better than anything I can currently imagine. Freeing hopefully. Remember: the more you love life, the more life loves you back. You are worthy and deserving, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, especially yourself. You didn’t come this far to only come this far. All my love, Mollie Sinclair 10/3/2021