A letter from March 5th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, How are you? Is everything better now? Are you finally happy? Is that hole in your chest finally filled? Are we back to how we used to be with her? What about them. Are we still best friends? How’s mom and dad? Did they notice that their little girl isn’t so happy anymore? Did anyone notice? Did you get professional help?talked to a friend or kept it in you? Please tell me you’re happy. It hurts. It really ******* hurts. I shouldn’t be feeling this at 16. I should be out there living my life but instead I’m in a stupid pandemic that can’t seem to go away because people can’t wear a ******* mask properly. It’s been almost a year since COVID-19 hit. I’m turning 16 in 2 weeks. It’s been three months since we last talked. I feel empty. I feel useless. I feel unworthy. I feel sad. I’m not okay. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have anybody to talk to. I wish I didn’t feel like this. I wish I didn’t hate how i look. I wish my parents would understand me. I wish i didn’t feel like a burden to everyone. I wish I didn’t compare my body to other girls. I wish i could Believe when people say they care about me. I wish i loved the way I looked. I wish I didn’t have anxiety. I wish I didn’t feel so depressed. I wish I trusted people. I wish i had someone to hug. I wish I didn’t feel so alone. I wish I could be happy. No matter where you are in life right now, I wish you’re happy. I lost a lot of people this year. But the person i miss the most is myself. So did you find yourself again? Am I finally who I want to be? My aunts came to visit today. After they left I sat by the window in the dark and cried. I cried for the girl who lost her closest friend. I cried for the girl who didn’t know what to do. I cried for the girl who was scared. I cried for the girl who didn’t think she’s worthy. I cried for the girl who didn’t think she’s enough. I cried for the girl with dreams. I cried for the girl who was to kind for this world. I cried for the girl who lost herself. I cried for me. I don’t know if I’ll ever read this. But to who does, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that we live in this horrible society where nobody is good enough. I hope you find happiness wherever and whoever you are. It’s the 5th of March 2021. I hope you’re happy future me.