A letter from March 4th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, You are writing this on your second anniversary of an extended internship at a company you only kind of like (generous), in a city you didn't like (why does everyone always ask you your job???) . It is also approximately the one year anniversary of a lockdown that everyone thought would be a clear two week break. The job hunt has been dragging and has absolutely decimated your self esteem. To quote one of my favorite people ever, 2020 and so far 2021 has been the year of "taking your hands off of what you can't control and putting your hands on what you can." All well and good, but what does that mean when you feel that everything is out of control? I was one of those people for the longest time who thought that if you just worked hard enough, everything would fall into place, and that things happen for a reason. I still want to believe those things, desperately, but it just does not seem like reality. What am I doing? I have spent the last year working out of my fluorescently pink childhood bedroom, living in sweats, and generally isolating myself from the world. Living in my parent's house as an almost thirty something, dreaming of my own place and a life that doesn't constantly feel like just bouncing around. I had so many adventures in my early 20s, and now more than ever I am grateful I took those chances when they came. But there have been so many false starts and a lack of growth or establishment. I have heard people millennials are battered by multiple "once in a lifetime" events (9/11, the Great Recession, and now COVID-19) and there are days I feel that the world we were promised is not the world that exists now. I hope you have a partner, I hope you have a house, I hope you have a sense of purpose, and most importantly, peace when you lay your head down at night (also, a tattoo or two!).