A letter from February 28th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, i don't know where you are now and i don't know how you are feeling. i want to see you flying whether on a plane as we want or in land. wherever you are, just know that you have been through a lot which made you compassionate, loving and beautiful. there is no crime in being kind including to yourself. remember your father is cured from cancer for a while and your mother is smiling more. remember your brother won't abuse you forever and that you glowed in his shadow, you washed his fire and he will never hurt you like that again because you became stronger than his hate. he thought he was punishing you for being born, but he never had that power. he was training you to be the beautiful being you are. although things might be difficult, they have always been. but picture yourself: in a small apartment, higher as you can with the sound of music while you lay down in your bed with a cat, just yourself and your mess. just you. as you always wanted. loneliness has always been a dream. imagine visiting your parents and never hearing of your brother again. imagine keeping some friends or just yourself and be fine either way. imagine you were able to keep your best friend, one person after leaving so many behind, till that day and he comes every weekend with wine, cartoons and pizza. if you can't imagine this, remember you never thought you could finish something and wrote a book, you raised from ashes many times against abusers who you thought were invencible, you hid your amazing brain until you grew with your knowledge, you sold your justice and took it back, and now you accepted everything about yourself. if it is hard, just remember something you learned. it is not that you don't want to live. it is just that you don't want to live how you are living now. it takes time for things to be okay so just give it time. but you are so strong. i hope you are going to forget this and get this letter as a surprise. i hope you have kept your books and your habits and this haircut but if you changed, that is okay. when you wrote this letter you wanted to send a letter to your past self instead. i wish i could say to them that they were going to be amazing. i am going to be smart and kind and guess what, past self, you are non binary and it is the best thing that you are going to discover about you. know that people are going to like you, but you didn't have to try because let's be honest, you never really liked people anyway. they should focus on their future and the truth was in the sky they never had the nerve to reach. they should never hurt themselves. never try to end it all, but to be honest i don't blame myself. i did what i had the power back then. so future self, theo, kafkarinx, whoever you are now, it has been an inspiring trail. and i am proud to become you.