A letter from February 26th, 2021

Dear Future Iman, Will you even use this email in five years? This whole thing would be kind of pointless if you don't. Actually, it doesn't matter what email you're using, as long as you're using an email. That means you're still here. Do you know how much I wish I knew now if you're still here? This is my fifth time attempting to write this. I've considered that it's possible you are somehow in a version of our lives where we're no longer friends and if that's the case please hit me on the head with a hedgehog because WOW I must've ****** up really badly to lose the best thing to ever happen to me. because I know it's me that messed up. There's nothing you can do to make me want to leave by my own free will. If this is the case then I apologize. I'm so sorry. I hope you know you were the best part of my life. I know you still must be. Even if you hate me. I promised to love you forever and I will. This is all hypothetical though because chances are if we've made it this far we're not going to let this beautiful mess of a friendship we have go anytime soon. Now that we've established that you're here and you're reading this, I have questions. Are you married? Am I married? (are we married to each other???? we should definitely be married to each other) Are you pursuing psychiatry like you wanted to? Are we living together? Are you happy? "hi cupcake, if your receiving this, that means im probably a little unreachable at the moment. if not then that sucks cuz it means it didt work. anyways im really sorry fr this but i pray youll find love greater than i could give you. i love you" Thats what you sent to me on what I pray to god was the unhappiest day of your life. the day that drove you to such a length. I can't bear knowing there's been worse days, so for my own mental wellbeing Im choosing to believe it only gets better from here. Because at least you're still here aren't you? I read this book. A quote from it will always stick with me especially in times like this. "we're going to have bad days and sad days and days that test our resolve. Those are the days I want you to feel the absolute weight of my love for you. I promise I will love you more during the storms than during the perfect days I promise to love you more when you're hurting than when you're happy I promise to love you more when we're poor than when we're swimming in riches I promise to love you more when you're crying than when you're laughing I promise to love you more when you're sick than when you're healthy I promise to love you more when you hate me than when you love me and I promise... I swear... that I love you more when you read this letter than when I wrote it. " I didn't write it, but I mean it. You said to find a love greater than you could ever give me. I don't have the heart to tell you yet that it doesn't exist. I hope you find love too. Not with me. with life. I hope you no longer have to fight to want it. I know I'm not enough, I don't expect to be. But more than anything, I hope I helped you fight. I hope you know I'd give you all of MY fight. That I would give mine to save yours if thats how it worked. Well I wasn't trying to cry but here I am. I'm sorry I wrote you a chapter. I'm sorry there's still so much I have to say that I could turn this chapter into a novel. I love you I love you I love you