A letter from February 24th, 2021

Dear Future You, You've been the greatest love of my life so far. Maybe I'll get to experience a different, more fulfilling kind of love later on in my life, but right now, that future seems a little bleak. I've never thought many things ahead, nor did I really plan for my future. To be honest, I didn't think that I would be even alive right now. Imagining myself having a career and leading my own life seems a little daunting. I've had basic plans for the future, like graduating college, going to grad school, getting a job, living in my own apartment, maybe traveling sometimes, maybe falling in love, maybe getting married, but there has been one specific thing that I so desperately wanted, and still want, to happen in several years time: I want to meet you again. I want to meet you again when I'm better. I want you to see me at my best. I want to meet you again when the timing is right. Maybe things would be different then. It's something I'm scared of, but can't wait for. I've loved you for more than three years. I've loved you for almost a fifth of my life. For someone I love and miss all the time, it would be funny to hear that there was never anything between us, and I just loved you wholeheartedly all by myself. I've told my friends that I moved on, but I cried about you today. Every February feels miserable. I'm sure I'll cry over you again next February. But as much as I want to see you again some day in the future, I really want to get over you once and for all. I loved you too much in this lifetime already. I don't want to continue hurting over this if it's not meant to be.