A letter from February 22nd, 2021

Hey, I know, already a new letter! But this one will be shorter. Yesterday I was really ... not in the mood. It hasn't changed. I'm still feeling the same way. I already cried 2 or 3 times today. Yeaaaaaaay. Anyways, yesterday, before going to sleep, I asked the universe to help me. Actually, it's not exactly what I asked but kind of. I asked the universe to **** me in my sleep if the current pain doesn't hide beautiful moments in the future. If my future doesn't involves happiness, I clearly prefer to end it now. I even gave it ideas for my *****, a little heart attack while I'm sleeping and it's over. Simple. But here I am, still alive. I guess that my future is worth the current pain and I must endure it a little longer. My mood is soooo low and my energy completely gone but I trust the universe, or at least I want to. Therefore, I will do my best to continue living and to achieve my goals. I don't really have big goals in life but I'll start with my small ones like having a clean room, doing a little bit of sport everyday, going out everyday to get some fresh air, ... Just little tasks that, I hope, will help me to get my life together. I don't know how it'll go, if I'll have the motivation and energy to do this on a long term but I must try. I will do my best so that you, the me of the future, can have a better life than the one I have now. And if when you read this letter you're still struggling, just keep fighting. There is a reason why the universe didn't **** us that day and you have to find out why and mostly, you have to see it with your own eyes. I wish you the best life and be patient, there will be some happiness for you too.