A letter from February 22nd, 2021

Dear me, I'm lost and I'm sad I hope for one thing and it is for my soul to find peace I've probably sent now around 100 emails that were missy and I was almost crying writing each of them. I need help I'm 21 now and I haven't achieved a single goal of mine I missed up in high school, my parents were insanely abusive and they hurt me in ways I'm not sure if I'm ever healing from. I'm tired, It's 3:31am and I can't sleep and my brother is snoring so loud in his sleep. I'm a senior in university now, i tried so hard to sift my major and travel abroad and study medicine. architecture or astronomy but I couldn't because my parents don't believe in me and they don't believe in anything actually, my dad is abusive on a very high level I can't even deal with any of his actions anymore, almost a month ago he and mom had a huge fight over her work and she fainted and we called an ambulance and they didn't come so we had to get her down the elevator ourselves me and my brother and put her in my brother in law's car and take her to a trashy hospital near my poor neighborhood and my dad didn't even call to check up on her and when she fainted he kept cursing her and us and me, I hate him so much, maybe I'll have energy to write more about how much i hate him another time. anyway she and my brother returned home the next day from hospital and my dad was sitting in the living room and she went to her room then he slept on the sofa and told my sister that he will leave us ( it's the almost 1000 time I hear this growing up I was happy he will, but few day after he told her that he's coming back again, he came back and he just acted like nothing happened and just started talking to my mother and stuff,....... I'm sorry I'm just too tired I cant continue the story I'm drained. I'm stuck in here and I live in Egypt and in finishing my degree in few months and I have to join the military ( TRAGIC ), I don't know If I can heal from what ill encounter there tbh, I'm not sure if I can heal from what I been thorough. I just hope my soul finds peace one day and I hope I can hold on long enough to witness it sorry I try so hard to sleep now cause I have my slavery work to morrow where i receive calls from UK from angry people thinking I get paid every month for them to yell at me, it's called customer service. yours truly, heo