A letter from February 21st, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Right now, you're very insecure of the people around you. You are studying in a science high school, currently in a STEM strand, so of course everyone around you is dreaming to become doctors, engineers, pilots, and architects, what do you expect? I know you have been brushing this off ever since you started high school becaue you were thinking, "It's fine, 12th grade is so far! I'll think about my goals and dreams when that time comes. But for now, I'll become a pediatrician." A pediatrician? Do you really want that? Or you just convinced yourself that you want that because that's what everyone wants? Or because that's what you told everyone when you were little? Or because it used to be your childhood dream? But now that you're 17, of course your interests are going to change. Of course your goals are going to change. You become what you consume, right? So yup, you are planning to change paths. At first, you were having an existential crisis (well, you still are, but it's better now) because you were lost about what degree program you will pursue. You said you had no passion, interests, hobbies, and such. Sometimes you wish you didn't study so much that you forgot to take it easy so you can explore other things. In that way, you wouldn't be so confused right now. For goodness sake, all you can do is to junk journal. You wish that were a college major. But no, it isn't. The only thing you are passionate about isn't employable and lucrative at all. You just know you aren't going to replace your med dreams with a scrapbooking career. Then you thought of Communications, you write, right? Just not passionate. But you can write. But then you found out that athletes take this course because it's easy to study and therefore, only the best of the best students end up with a great career using this degree. So, no, cross that out of the list. How about that Psychology thing that's been trying to tickle your mind? It's flexible, you either go to law school after, or go to med school, or pursue a master's and a PhD to become a psychologist, or just work immediately as an HR or something. But, if you do any of those, you can't relocate. You will need to work here for the rest of your life. Say goodbye to your overseas dreams. Law is exclusive for your country, med is too much work to take a licensure exam abroad (and you can't even move back immediately, it's really always a commitment when it comes to med), a psychologist career abroad means you would have to look for clients who would trust a foreign psychologist. So no, cross that out again. Plus, you're too emotional to have an emotional job. You would just cry with your patients. How about establish a cafe? You have always been in awe of cafes plus you get to do the "therapist work" without being an actual therapist. You know how therapeutic cafes can be. Yep, check that on your list. That's one of your dreams now. Finally, a goal to pursue. And now that you're currently thinking of a business, why not make a career out of that? Finance? Economics? Business Management? Business Administration? Marketing? That sounds fun. Marketing, hmm. You heard Marketing is for the creative people in corporate. You get to work in a good office at companies, they get to send you abroad if you're lucky enough, and you get to work with relaxed, fun, and creative people as well! Maybe you're not a STEM person? Maybe you're a corporate person. You did some research about people in the medical field and people in corporate. Of course, the medical field is rewarding. You get paid to help people, how will it not be? It will feed your empathethic self, and you get to work with the most passionate, compassionate, empathethic, driven, intellectual people. They'll be lifelong friends and family because you will work in the hospital for the rest of your life. And if you did your best to follow that path, it's easier to succeed there than in the corporate world. But the thing is, you can only succeed in medicine if you have the passion for it. Sure, you may still succeed there but without passion, you might just end up being a bad and miserable doctor, and that will be unfair to your potential patients. They deserve a passionate doctor who is in there for the right reasons and wants to dedicate her life to medicine. And don't lie, you know you're not that person. You know you're too carefree, too soft, and too easygoing for a medical career. You can't take that risk. "If you're in there long enough, maybe you'll find the love for it?" No, I don't think so. You know your heart isn't in there. You can still help people even if you're not in the medical field. Come on, be honest, who wouldn't want to help people? We all want an "important" job that can "make an impact". The thing is, not all of us are made to be doctors. Not all of us are made to have a medical career. If we are, then all of us would be doctors and nurses. The world needs the best of the best healthcare workers. Not some average person who's not sure about her life. You know that's not how it works. You also did some research about marketing. You liked what you saw. A relaxed office, with relaxed people, meetings, business trips, day offs, paid leaves, if you fail at something and get fired, you can always get another job, and the best of all, WORK/LIFE BALANCE. Perfect for your "be the main character" dream. You can use your experience in the corporate world to establish your cafe, and you can still spend some time to watch people (like what you always wanted) in your cafe (and in your church!) and listen to other people's stories. Something hard to do with a career in medicine. I know they're the most passionate and dedicated people about their jobs, but (they said) it's hard to balance your medical life with your personal life. It is possible, but you need to make sacrifices. (Your girl isn't a fan of sacrifices.) Plus, in medicine, you need to deal with mortality, malpractice, on calls, not guaranteed holiday/weekend/vacation, studying regularly, exams, spending your 20s studying and you know, the usual stuff a doctor does because you literally deal with people's lives. Something noble but also scary at the same time. Now, we have successful doctors to this day because they're willing to go through those cons I mentioned, because for them, medicine IS their pleasure, medicine IS their leisure. They literally love medicine with their whole heart. While me, I'm so far from it yet I already think of it as a job I'm going to overcome. Like what they say, medicine is not a job, it is a lifestyle. So, people who enjoy that lifestyle are the ones who are there for the right reasons. So yup, Bachelor of Science in Business Administration Major in Marketing it is. There's the goal. But well, well, well, you think it's that easy? Can you handle going to your high school reunion 10 years from now and meeting your old classmates who are now doctors, veterinarians, dentists, lawyers, engineers, architects, geologists, pilots, scientists, and such? And you're there at the corner, the manager. A corporate pawn who helps their CEO get even more rich. Pfft. I'm sure your priorities and views will change by that time but right now, that doesn't sound good to you. At least the lawyers ended up in law school despite changing their paths from STEM. You'll greet them with Dr., Dra., Atty., Engr., Capt., Arch.,and you will be called,,,, your name. Wow. That sucks. Such a slap to our face. And if you did end up with a husband, you'll be introduced as, "Meet, *your name*, my wife." While your colleagues get to be introduced as "Meet *name*, she's a pediatrician." "Meet *name*, he flies planes." "Meet *name*, she designs buildings." "Meet *name*, he builds buildings." OH HELL NO. I mean, sure, money, respect, honor, and passion isn't everything. But it sure does put a "grass is always greener on the other side" mindset to you. It hurts being the one on the other side. I don't regret studying in such a hellish school, you met the coolest, smartest, and kindest people here, but now, I'm starting to regret it. I wish I weren't so bright-eyed back then thinking I have great opportunities and a great future ahead of me if I graduate from here. I mean yes, we all have a great future, but I'm not so sure about that future anymore. Why did I even pursue STEM? What if I just transferred to ABM or something? It's my fault anyways. Sure, I can manage with the subjects and the grind, but I'm not happy about it. I feel like I don't belong here. I feel like I can do something else but that something is "lower" than this. I know, all professions and careers and strands are good and I'm in no position to belittle that, but that's just how I feel about myself. And I'm happy for all those who accepted their fate. May it be in STEM or not. I just wish I were born with a "passion". But then again, even though you already kinda accepted you aren't a STEM person, there's still the "what if" in medicine. What if you'll actually like it when you're there? What if the "cons" you found while researching is worth it after all? What if you're already in your ***** bed regretting you didn't have a noble profession and all you did was help your superiors earn money? Can you handle the look on your relatives' faces after they find out you aren't going to become a doctor anymore? Can you handle seeing med school graduation pictures in your Facebook timeline in 10 years while you're at an office typing away in your laptop? Can you handle getting sick and going to the hospital only to find out the doctor assigned to you was your classmate? Can you handle getting your teeth cleaned by a dentist who used to be your classmate? Can you handle getting your house built by an engineer who used to be your classmate? YES, YOU'RE FRIGGIN' INSECURE. I KNOW THAT, THAT'S WHY WE'RE WORKING ON IT. AND I JUST WANT TO FIND OUT IF YOU ARE HAPPY AT WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW. BECAUSE I KNOW THAT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN ACTUALLY BE PASSIONATE AND NOT WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHERS WILL THINK OF YOU AND WHAT YOUR COLLEAGUES ACHIEVED ABOVE YOU. But if there's one thing I'm glad about that you're going through this, it's that you're humble enough to recognize and admit that you're not happy about STEM anymore. I'm glad you are hesitating now than hesitate when you're already in college and you realize there's no turning back. I'm glad you're realizing that this is not for you rather than go through pre-med, med school, boards, residency, and many more commitments then have a mid-life crisis realizing you wasted your life on something you didn't want and give much thought to. Or maybe just until pre-med then you suddenly decide not to go to med school so you end up with a Bachelor's degree that's underdone (is that a word lol but i know u get the point). Some say it's too early for you to worry about it right now, but I know you know that's the reason God let you go through this "crisis". I actually think He's saving you from a much bigger heartache and a mucher "bigger endeavor" to let go of. And for that, I'm a little happy for this anguish (if that's what you want to call it). I hope in the future you finally learn to be content with what you can do and you're finally enjoying every moment of your life. Please let go of that "used to be a valedictorian" mindset, that'll ruin you even more and it'll reflect on your personality. You don't want to come out as a brag, do you? Like what Oogway said, You are too concerned with what was and what will be. There is a saying: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present. Okay? Planning is good, but being consumed by your worry about the future is a different story-- a story you'll regret you opened. Slow down, take a look at the world around you, and cherish it. Love yourself, girl! I just hope and pray that wherever God put you, wherever He assigned you to be, you're happy about it. And you don't regret anything. I hope you don't feel that emptiness on your graduation day thinking you wasted years of your life for something you didn't like. Let's not do the same mistake again, okay? This time, choose where you'll be happy at. Not where you think people will be proud of you. That's the only way to reach your full potential. Remember that. Girl, I love you. I know you'll do great things wherever you are. For what it's worth, your heart is the most important above all. That's where God is looking. See you.