A letter from February 19th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, There's a large piece of wood stuck inside my throat. And it's invisible. I'm 2 days away from my 17th birthday and this wood seems to be thickening and widening every passing hour. To tackle the 'how to get rid of this wood' question, I meditated, like I do every day. And it seemed to have eased its hold to some extent, but as much as it loosened its grip, it has also generated a self lubricating adhesive in the form of 'how did it get there in the first place' query to maintain its dominant presence. So how did it get there? There are several events or rather uneventful occurrences which could be the epicenter of it all. 1. The moment I got to know that my sisters' plan of coming over our place for my birthday is cancelled. 2. How near my exams are and how under prepared I'm finding myself for it. 3. Our cat's sudden *****. 4. The fact that I'll have to answer everyone's call when they contact me or maa for wishing on my birthday (xiettttyyyyyyyy) 5. What am I even doing with my life? Why do I feel so fragile? Why am I feeling like a sicko toothless **** sapien trying too hard to chew on metal thinking of it as a meat? There's numbness, there's pain, there's anticipation, there's hope, there's disappointment, loads and loads of disappointment and regrets. Lots of them as well. I don't like being a cribbing squidward and this letter prolly makes me look like one. But it's for sanity. For peace. For self-assurance. For ranting and getting back to work. I hope this is not the case with you.