A letter from February 17th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I hate it here. I pray every night that I wouldn't wake up anymore. I cannot talk from my heart for some reason. I want to tell all of them what I really want to tell them but how would I do that if they will always correct what I feel. Apparently, what I was feeling was wrong, and that I shouldn't feel sad and I am a drama queen. How could they say something like that. There were more reasons as to why I was crying, yet they're too personal to share in front of many family members. How will I tell them that what they take as a joke hurts me. They keep repeating that **** all over again. I want to tell them to stop doing specific stuff because it's hurting me but apparently I shouldn't be that sensitive. They keep repeating that they love me but do they ******* forget that they said they have 3 other children to take care of anyways, and that I am a waste of time. I am not saying that they are wrong, I am saying that they should stop doing specific stuff (not ALL if they're that dumb that they can't ******* understand) because it's been building up for so long, that's why I cried like a "drama queen." I feel like I don't have a say on what I actually need to say. So I guess I'll have to live with it until I die. If I ever get to see this in 5 years, which I doubt is going to happen anyways since I am not planning on living any longer, **** you and go **** yourself already. Your parents said it themselves: they have 3 more children to spend their time on, so one less won't make a difference. My own family wants to make me **** myself, they keep on twisting the story. If I die, it's because of them, nothing else.