A letter from February 14th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Surprise, happy birthday! You're probably 24 by now. I'm writing this on Feb. 14th, 2021. Still on lockdown. Haven't gone out more than 5 times since March of 2020. Is everything better now? Are you back to school? Is the Philippines a better country now? How about the vaccine? Are you vaccinated? also have you gone back to the dentist? Do you still have you braces? Anyway... How are you doing? I wonder what's changed. Which college did you get to? What's your course?? Did you pursue architecture? Can you finally draw now? Or is it Communication Arts? Since you're 24 already, do you have any exes? Haha, are you even allowed to have a boyfriend now? How's the family? Nayakap mo na ba si papa mo? Nakavisit ka na ba sa ibang country or sa states? Life is so stressful right now. I'm worrying about so many things that I think I'm forgetting to live in the present. I'm really hoping this is all worth it. I hope by now you already found your passion or figured out what you want to do with your life. I'm battling a lot of problems within myself right now. Did I overcome my insecurities? Have I learned to love myself and my body? Bigger question, may glow up na ba? Do you still cry yourself to sleep every night? It's tough right now. I think I may actually have some sort of mental illness. I'm continually making myself sad on purpose cause I get satisfaction from bawling my eyes out. Is Derek still around? J? They're pretty cool people. They understand me like no one else. My friends right now are the best people. I've gotten closer with Gerone even more now during quarantine. I really hope you're still friends with her. I would really like to keep her. She's a real one. My other friends; Elija, Xandy, and Carmela, how are they? Are you still in touch with them? Do you still overthink as much? I'm terrified of what the future might bring. I hope it's somewhat good. I don't know where I might be in life by then. Have you managed to get your grades up? I'm just gonna be bold and ask how Ateneo is treating you. Haha, just joking, I know that school is NOT for me. I probably got rejected, didn't I? Right now, I'm struggling. It's like, everything feels so heavy and complicated. I don't know what's wrong with me. People surround me but I'm lonely. No one truly listens to me. I'm scared. I'm so scared. I don't know why. I actually feel like you should've gotten a therapist sometime in the future. If you did, then thank you. Are you still comparing yourself to others? Have you found someone who can comfort you and genuinely be there for you? I know I'm asking a lot right now. It's just that, the future is so mysterious. There are so many possibilities and I don't know what's happened so far. Do you have any new friends? I really hope the future me is doing well. I am so tired of feeling like this all the time. Insecurities eating me up, low self-esteem, stress, and loneliness. Have you stopped thinking about what others think of you? I'm working on it now by tweeting whatever I want on Twitter without thinking about what other people might think of me. I hope you at least found the courage to do that. Lastly, I hope you got to be yourself now. That's something I can't do no matter how I try cause I don't want to get judged. Whatever it is, I know you're doing great. I'm a fighter and I will do my best to get through everything I'm going through right now. I love you. Just a reminder in case you forgot again.