A letter from February 13th, 2021

Dear Memay, You might not remember writing this in the past, but you have and there's no definite reason why, I just did. It's quite weird to think that you are me and I am you, living in a different time, different house or probably different place. Have you been to Paris? Like you have always dreamt ? Have you found your soulmate you desperately long for? Have you finally found the job you are happy with? Have you found what makes you truly happy? I hope you do, cause I want you to know that you deserve so much more. I hope you're no longer afraid to express yourself and be who you are meant to be. I hope that you finally decide to embrace all parts of you, physical or the unseen. Back then, self criticism was my form of pushing myself to be the best but it quite backfired as you know, I began this toxic cycle of self doubt and self pity and before I knew it, I was drowning in my dark thoughts for a couple of years. I did lose myself in the past and I barely survived. Though, I am on the process of healing and accepting that these scars make who I am today and tomorrow. Don't ever forget that you are a survivor. You are stronger than you think, and far a great fighter if I may say so. We've been through a lot of things, met a lot of people and lose a couple over the years yet we stand still. Because we never gave up on ourself, on our future. So, I am telling you again. DON'T GIVE UP! No matter how hard, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how deep the wound is, your pain will pass too. Like everything, it is only temporary. Know that there's always a reason for everything, a PURPOSE. There's always another road that will lead you to another place and another, and another. This only means that, it is not the end of the line for you. You can be MORE, do MORE and live MORE. I hope that your stubbornly, hard headed self will finally realize the things such as LIVING IN THE MOMENT. I hope you seize the day and the chance to actually LIVE, not just exist. Do the things that makes you happy. Above all, do things with love. Be open to love and be loved, and share when it is necessary. You have always been a sucker for that ****. LOVE - the desire to be loved. I hope now that you are older, you can make room for people in your life and cherish them as much as you can. They are the only ones that matter, God gave you them for a reason. So, huwag ka ng umiyak, sa mundong pabago-bago (CHAR!!!!!) seriously, please don't cry over petty things ever again. Di sila worth ng pain and time mo. Move on with a light heart and live your life to the fullest. Cause you only have one shot at life and everyday is a new day. Who knows what will happen. You need to keep writing and slowly accept that along the way kung meron mang things that you need to let go or things na nilet go mo na, it is meant to be that way. There's always a REASON, a PURPOSE kung bakit nangyari at kung bakit kailangan magtapos ang kwento doon. But, it doesn't mean na kailangan mo na din tapusin ang iyo. It's just one chapter in your trilogy. How are your parents? Have they retired na ba? Hope masaya na sila ngayon at natapos na din lahat ng problema nyo. Si Koy? Nag engineer na ba talaga sya? Sana di kayo magbago. Si Kuya? May asawa't anak na ba sya? Sanaý magbalik loob sya sa family like you have always prayed for. Kamusta mo naman ako kay Shen, sila pa ba ni KIT? HAHAHHAHAH (evil laugh) Magkasama na ba kayo like you have always dreamed so? Kamusta mo na din ako kay Ate Trix, May Asawa't anak na ba sya? Kung wala pa, abay ibenta mo na GHORL. Kung meron, GOOD. Ninang kaba? Kamusta sina Ven? si Alvie? si Edel, Chin, Lyza, Nica, Joe, at ibang kaibigan. Eh, Nagka lakas ng loob ka bang aminin yung tunay mong feelings kay E? Hope you do, life is so short to not take the shot. If not, there's nothing wrong about it. Maybe because you know your worth na, and you should not chase after someone all the time. Pahabol ka din GHORL. Anyways, wherever you are right now. Please don't cry or don't be sad if di mo na achieve or narating lahat ng goals mo sa buhay. You still have time, you can do so much more. There's a thousand/million of possibilities, you just gotta take the leap. I want you to know that I really appreciate you and I want you to be happy. I know I am, atleast, in some kind of way. Struggle is there, but it is never gonna stop us. Andaming nangyari these past few years, ang galing mo din. OFW at age 17 and nakakatulong pa sa pag aaral ng kapatid whilst studying yourself. (di naman sa nagbubuhat bangko, pero same :))) I have faith in you, more than you think so. Kadamay kita sa buhay eh and even though we are practically time and distance apart, we are on at heart. Thank you for being strong and for holding on. I have always loved you, I guess I just didn't know how to before. You are capable. You are independent. You are genuine. You are true. You are beautiful. You are heaven-sent. You are charming. You are valued. You are important. You are seen. You are a lot of things, but above all you are ME. LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!! P.S. Please take care of US <3