A letter from February 12th, 2021

Dear Sammy, I wonder what you're doing right now. Are you happy? I hope you know that no matter what happened since I've written this, that I love you. Even if the demons that you face everyday are still shouting at you telling you that you aren't good enough or that no one will ever love you, I want you to know that I love you. I hope when that when you read this you're alive, you're healthy, you're wealthy in all the places that matter (maybe in your pockets too, that's a bonus). I hope that the person that you've chosen to be your partner knows how unbelievably lucky they are to have you. You're such a caring, giving person. I hope that they give you the same love that I know you're giving them. I hope your *** life is great. I hope that if you've decided to have little ones that they are a reflection of all the love that you've bestowed upon them, that they are confident, brave, smart, and beautiful. I hope that Kazushi and Dexter are still around, but even if they aren't, I hope you still decide to take in rescued animals. I hope that even this far into the future, you still think that a good plate of food can heal people, I hope you're still feeding those in need in your community. How are mama and daddy doing? They must be getting up there in age... I hope you're taking care of them, soaking in each and every moment while they're still here. If you decided to have little ones, did they take on the Lola and Lolo roles with grace? Did Feye end up marrying Hunter? At this point in time, they've been together for a total of 5 months, but they had this whole 5 year plan and at this moment in time, I think they'll actually make it. Do they have kids now? Did Feye end up finishing her Ph.D? I know that no matter what she ends up doing in her life, as her Ate you're probably beaming with pride anyways. She's always been your best friend. I wonder where you're living now, who your friends are, what your life is like. I'm sitting here at our second-hand Facebook marketplace desk, Kazushi is sleeping on our bed in that little $600 a month basement apartment that has been witness to an inexcusable amount of debauchery, sin, and both wonderful and painful memories. I'm wearing a baggy red sweater cause it's Lunar NY, and red plaid PJ pants. It's COVID-19 times right now, don't judge! Are we still chubby? It's okay if we are, I know that sometimes there's always a pang of insecurity and shame, but deep down we know how beautiful we are. I hope that when you read this you're sitting down in a room that smells really good, either from the dinner you have baking in the oven or from fresh laundry, or maybe you're still wearing cheap vanilla perfume that smells like the inside of a sugar cookie. Either way, I hope you're happy. I hope you're smiling, and I hope you know that the universe always works in mysterious ways. I hope you never forget that you're made out of magic. I love you.