A letter from February 11th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, How are you doing ? Did you get therapy? Are you still in this country ? Hope you're still gonna be alive by the time this arrives I hope you found the happy ending you've always wanted Do you have any new friends ? A boyfriend or a girlfriend ? Are you in college ? If yes,how's your college life ? Do we get to travel ? I know it's gonna be a rocky road A really rocky road It's hard to get up hill When so many things are falling down I am unlucky not the unluckiest person but we were born in a poor county And bad parents and family It just felt as if no body loves you Like everyone despises you for just existing I am always afraid of screwing up Are you ? By the time this letter arrives I'll probably forget I ever made this So it's gonna be a suprise Just don't lose your account Tommorrow is my first "date " I don't know what's that person gonna be in your life in 5 years But I really like him It's first time I tries going after a person I like .Remember her ? Did we become friends again We used to have a really big crush on her I loved her so much She was so kind at first I was so blinded I never noticed that she was slowly pushing me away How's our relationship with mom ? Did my dad and stepmom divorce? Well they don't argue that much only 8-9 times a month but just wondering Just wondering I'll be an adult once I sent this letter 19 to be exact I'll be turning 20 that year So i'll probably be in college Hopefully I just hope that we won't even be in this country and that you'll cut ties with most of our family and that you'll find good friends and find people who will accept you the way you are That you can be open about things you like and that you'll freely be able to talk 5 years is a lot ,huh I hope those terrible feelings will go away But I don't know if I'll live by then I already tried taking my life away I just can't take it anymore If only I turned a blind eye to the abuse like I did as a kid Why did I have to realise that it wasn't okay Maybe I would've been happy But I'd probably be easily manipulated by other people if I did turn a blind eye to abuse and never realised that verbal and physical abuse was wrong no matter how little or strong it is abuse is abuse Maybe by then this will sound like nonsense and I would be like "what was I thinking " Hope I didn't screw up and sent it it to some random person that had a similar email as me Well this is my end now by the time this arrives I'll be gone and I hope I don't fall too low Remember you can improve Maybe some of the words we said get through your thick skull Goodbye -From your past self