A letter from February 11th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I’m sad and stuck at home, although wouldn’t be doing anything else or seeing anyone to begin with. Don’t talk to any of my girlfriends anymore but today they asked to go for a walk I was like woah 🤯 then they cancelled! Then I seen they went with cluford 101 wtf it made me super angry like I haven’t seen these mfs in MONTHS but now I have a clearer mind in where I stand with them, I don’t think I’ll bother much with wanting to maintain friendship anymore. I see Luke every other day, we’re on date 70 now. I stood in the garden at 1am to watch and feel the snow, it felt good. I cry a few times a day and romanticise every aspect of my past self, remember to not romanticise your pre-pubescent body!!! I get super upset at the thought this period of time is gonna be over soon and the fact it’s gonna end with me getting a job or Luke getting a job. I hate it. But I hate it here. I know I’m gonna be romanticising this soon which does make me feel a bit more appreciative of it while simultaneously making me feel worse about it. I want by old double bed back so bad. I turn 19 next month holy **** but I will NOT think about it. Coronavirus took away my whole 18th year f the tories. I had a radical thought about going to university the other day after college interviewed a random student who talked a lot about it. I though about this a lot for the rest of the day and think I actually want to go, which is so crazy considering I’ve been super anti-uni for the whole of my academic life. I’ve tried looking into it a bit but it’s super stressful and overwhelming. Ncl unis looking kinda good though it reminds me of monsters university and dark academia which I absolutely love and think is such an important aspect of where I could go lol I hate the 70-20 buildings they’re so ugly and would make me uninspired to be around. If I stayed at ncl I could live at home and maybe still get friends? Idk I feel like they come with the accommodation and that’s like a super important aspect to me. I’ve briefly looked into grants and so far it doesn’t seem very good. I do want to move out too idk so much to think about but I can’t afford it and refuse to get major student dept, I’ve been upset about how Evie has a trust fund but now me and Chloe lately too. I mentioned it to Luke and he thinks it’s a good idea, we’re gonna talk more about it when we next date, maybe Valentine’s Day. We did 69 the when he slept over on date 70 lol our relationship has been fun so far and I feel super good about how he’s helped me develop a lot, I’ve learned what I like ******** too which has been 10/10, I know it’s only gonna get better from here. I’m scared we’re gonna drift apart when he gets a job, he’s on benefits rn but doing his figures. He’s about to get that gov office job which sucks and I low-key hope he doesn’t get it. He’s never gonna wanna hang out like he already doesn’t even sleep and doesn’t even like casual hanging out, which I don’t like and irks me. I’m growing my eyebrows out to feel better about being ugly and to get my past self back. Life is so overwhelming. I sometimes wish I’d die. Anyways, thank you for reading future Sophie, I appreciate your time a lot, I know how much it means to you to of received this email so I hope you’ve enjoyed it. Don’t get too upset, seriously, act progressively. Love you!