A letter from February 3rd, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Life is so hard. I'll just tell you what is going on with me right now, you obviously have your boyfriend which I'm sure you're still dating and I hope it's still going strong and healthy for you, I just want to remind you that if anything comes your way with your relationship, you didn't come this far to only come this far and this is forever so I know you can do it. I also want to talk about friends, yes friends the main struggle in your life right now and sophomore year. although you do have pretty great friends not going to lie to you the PTSD is no joke. The anxiety OMG don't even get me started. I just want to let you know that I think we're getting better and I think we can get through this, it was a really rough patch but I had my first day of therapy yesterday and I am going to be talking to Matt today so I'm very proud of myself for getting the help. I hope that it paid off and I really really hope that it helped in any way possible because I know you need it. if we're going to talk about friends let's talk about how Laysa is one of your closest friends right now and one of your most reliable friends and Paola is like my soulmate I truly could not imagine life without her and I think I'll forever love her to *****. Your hobbies at the moment are writing music which I don't know if you still do and painting. I really hope you are still friends with Ana and Olivia but I truly wonder if you are still part of a friend group because you are kind of old...so how is Julia Yasmeen and Ari. I'm really happy with my circumstance right now but mentally I'm not happy and it's hard to think that I'm going to need to survive this and if you're reading this I guess we did. I just want to get better and I just don't want to constantly feel anxious about everything, every second of my life. I hope that you still have that strong faith and I hope that your relationship with God is still stable because sometimes he is the only thing helping me get through this and keeping me sane. I hope that you're satisfied with the people around you and I hope that you grew as a person and became more mature and stronger. I have no idea what you're doing right now but I just hope that you like it, I'm thinking about psychology and then I think about why but I truly don't know what I want to go to college for and I don't even have a job, thinking about getting a car already is insane and just the thought of growing up is crazy, I don't know if I want to grow up or if I want to stay a child. I have a whole lot of goals right now, I think I could make a whole list of them but first I just want nice hair, a nice body, nice teeth, I especially want my confidence to go up and my anxiety to go down, I want to be healthier and start working out, I want to work on the Sims that I struggle with, I want to make God my number one priority, I want to get a better mindset, I want to finally have peace and honestly I just want to be happy. I think that I'll be proud of whatever person you become because I'm already proud of myself enough I can't even imagine how great of a person you're going to grow into, I do have to ask are you engaged or at least planning it? and you're probably wondering about Corona, I really don't have much to say I still go out with my friends and I don't learn anything in school but at least my grades are good. I just want you to be happy and successful and I'll do everything in my power right now to help you in your future and I'm really sorry if what I did isn't enough. I'm trying so hard and it's so difficult to keep going but I truly believe that it will all be worth it and I hope that you can read this now and say it is. I can probably imagine that you're going crazy right now over a house and kids, I just want you to know that God is in control and God will provide you with whatever you need at the right time and I also don't want you to worry about anything because it's all in God's hands and I think it would help if you heard this song, it's one of my favorites right now and it helps me through my highs and lows it's called “quiet by elevation worship” and also are you still obsessed with Marina Ruy Barbosa, Ariana Grande and a new favorite of yours is Zayn haha. I'm learning to cope better and better every day and I have so much I want to know but I have a lot of faith that God will guide you in the perfect Direction and I have a lot of faith that you will follow his plan because that's what we always do and in the end, we always win.