A letter from January 27th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, It has been a couple of years since I decided to write a letter to you. I used to do it all the time but as of lately I have felt this impending doom that somehow I will never get to read these letters. Remember when you used to write in your journals all the time? And you told yourself you wouldn't make it to 20? well I am 20 years old now and in a couple months I will be able to drink legally! You're a huge pothead as of lately and everyday feels blurred out by smoke. There's nothing wrong with that. If anything I'm pretty proud of having such a mild addiction considering just a year ago I was in a dark place and was addicted to worse things. I've come to realize that we all have addictions, some **** us quicker than others but some are also much more fun to part take in. If I'm completely honest I am not the friendliest person. I'm trying to work on it and working on not making such bad first impressions. My OCD has gotten worse but I also manage to control it at its worse. You're currently dating who you think might be the love of your life but you can't be too certain cause every guy you have met so far has felt like the love of your life. This one is different though, he's kind, generous, outgoing, social, caring, and loving. He doesn't yell at you or put you down. You two argue every once in a while but that is normal. I don't know how many times he has put up with my petty arguments but it's a good thing you always apologize... and so does he. It's been a year with him now and even though I was hesitant to write about him in this letter because every guy I have written about has hurt me badly, this one feels worthy. Beyond worthy honestly, he feels like the actual one. College is going well. your GPA is at a 3.8 and your classes have all been fairly decent. The pandemic ruined a lot though, like that kingkrule and king gizzard concert, the trips to California that you had planned, all the parties have been cancelled. Everything came to a halt at one point and nothing has felt the same since. Either way, things should be okay. Though I do have bad news for you, I will be dropping out and I don't know how that will affect you but I really hope it's for the better and not for the worst. REMEMBER, PLEASE REMEMBER, you HAVE to go back. Please promise me if you read this and haven't gone back yet, please do so! Remember all the goals and aspirations you have that require you to graduate college. I believe in you and if you could do it once you can do it again. If you did go back and you're doing good in school, good for you. I'm very proud of you, yes, I yourself am proud of you. If you're doing bad, it's okay don't worry. Even Vincent VanGogh had his slumps and hard moments. "I don't know anything with certainty, but seeing the stars makes me dream." I know wherever you are you are still worth something, worth everything, and capable of anything. Maybe I don't entirely love you right now but I hope in a couple years we have mended our faults and managed to fall in love deeply. I hope you and Alex are still together and even if you are not it is okay. Love comes in so many shapes and sizes and people... you will find love, are capable of love, and have learned what love is. Love is not a one time thing, love is endless. There is so much more I want to tell you, but god its so much. I think I'll tell you some of my favorite songs as of rn to start. Jupiter 4 By Sharon Van Etten, Hearing damage Thom Yorke, His rope by thom yorke, The way you used to love me diamond cafe, Rosemary by landscapes, Being no one going no where by strfkr, violent by carolesdaughter, and free the frail by jpegmafia. Okay okay so that's quite a bit but I have so much more I want to show you. just go back to your 2021 playlists. Your favorite anime rn is attack on titan, your favorite tv show is Wanda vision and The Boys and The office. Oh btw do you still want to be a teacher? you better!are you still annoying? you probably are lol. its okay, some people will love you for that. I hope you still have Sean and Judah in your life, everyone else is worth losing but them and your family. they basically are your family. Alex is excluded from that statement for now cause I love him so much as we speak. okay I gtg Alex is about to get here! love lots, Eve from 2021. PS. I wrote this while I was really high.