A letter from January 25th, 2021

dear cathy, i'm going to send this as far out into the future as i can, because i'm scared that you're still going to be like this in two three years. Maybe by the time you're 21 tho, you're brain has decided to stop being ill. anyways, i have come to the realization that the constant crying and feeling dejected was not a quirky cancer moment, you were just depressed. i was just diagnosed w ocd and honestly the the cbt or possible medications better pull through because i really am scared that one day it's going to get so bad that i'll just toaster bath or something. i say this jokingly, i'm sorry, i know i shouldn't, but it helps me to avoid confronting everything. school is near impossible right now, i'm currently failing apes because i just can't bring myself to do the work. i'll bring it up to an A at the end of the quarter like i always do, but still. the prospect of applying to colleges in the fall seems like wishful thinking at this point. the worst part is, there are days where i know that i could be happy, where everything lines up for me, and i'm still ******* miserable. to think that in april of last year i was doing fantastic, and now i'm like this. anyways, if you're happy, wherever you are, you're welcome, i guess i stuck through it. if you're not, then what can i say. same. and if you aren't alive to read it at all, then hello cathy's neglected email box. i'm going to try and take this ap lang quiz now. i have an A right now, which is nice. anyways, love forever and always cathy