A letter from January 25th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I write today to explain how life's going by my side right now and hope for the very best when this letter gets to you. I'm finally happy, but I'm also very very scared of how long this happiness will companion me. You know, for the last 5 years, even before I've found out about anxiety and depression, I just watched my life break piece by piece as I did nothing to prevent. I literally just watched as everything lost their meaning and I became a lost, broken and at the most, a empty body with no soul. I tried suicide, I hurted my own home body, I cut people out of my life for no reason at all. I fought with my family, I've lost precious years of my lil brother childhood because for me, the anger was bigger than the need to be at peace. And today I'm at peace. I'm no longer chasing fights around myself and I was able to put an end to the endless war inside my mind. I believe in me, I want to become better and better everyday, I want to be happy and enjoy it without considering what's gonna go wrong next. Because we know something will always go wrong, people get sick and die, relationships break, we change ourselves and that's ok, that's just how life is. I'm tired of being afraid of living just because I'm always too **** worried about next. So today, I'm living each day by the most. I want to be alive, I wanna spend time with Mixirica (she's just 7 months old right now), I wanna laugh and drink and smoke pot and kiss Pedro over and over till it stops making sense in our heads but we still doing it because we just love it so much to ever thinking of stop. I got fired from Nubank a week and a half ago and I couldn't be happier. I'm free, I'm finally able to eye it long in front of me and just hope for the best. I'll be a mom in no much time, I'll have my own home, I'll be successful in my career. So keep going from there on. I really hope for the best and that when we receive this letter in some years, our life is everything we dreamed of and even more. So, whatever I'll be facing in 5 years from now, be sure we can do it. I went to hell and came back twice and I'm sure I'd do it a third time if needed (but i hope it doesn't). Carry on, hold on tight to everything you love and never let it go unless you have no choice. Life is great and we are in the middle of it all. It's gonna be alright. Love always, R