A letter from January 19th, 2021

r kunuka, if you are reading this letter which i hope you are doing. first things first i hope you are doing good and i hope you finally love yourself. how is mom? how is dad? and bhaiya? i hope they are doing good inshallah. where are you right now? did you end up moving to Bangladesh after 10th? how was the experience and did you make friends? i hope right now you aren't in Bangladesh but you are clearly not in Kuwait. so i am hoping you i hope you are in Canada? what do you work as? do you have a stable job? are you still studying? oh and also i am writing this letter because i also wrote a written letter on a paper but that has a lot of irrelevant stuff on it so did not want to disappoint my future self so i thought i write this letter instead. do you have a boyfriend? does he treat you right? please say yes. i hope you are done letting the wrong people into your life. i am definitely sure that you and reema are not friends anymore. wait, are you lonely? omg i hope you are not. isn't that like one of your biggest fears? also if you do not have a boyfriend? why not? i hope your heart knows what it wants. haha by the way do you still watch anime or was it a phase? how was living in life Bangladesh? right now your 15 year old self is very scared to move to Bangladesh, mom said its only for 3 years but but my heart is still unsure and scared. i hope you found and alternate or reason to survive. anyways let me remind you of your 15 year old self right now. so i am like super insecure about myself right now and i think you know because of who. i haven't had feelings for a guy since almost 1 plus year because you are afraid to be hurt and humiliated like the last time. it was so hard for me watching my best friend date the guy i loved for 3 years even though i practically begged her to not date him or i would die but she said i was overreacting and being selfish and that i was sensitive. but i think i deserved the right to feel betrayed and ofc i broke the friendship between her and me but that was after they were almost 1 month into dating so basically i tried to force myself to be okay with the fact that my bestfriend was dating the guy i recklessly love for years. that was pill hard to swallow. we didnt talk for months but she kept apologizing and calling me and i kind off gave in but i still kept my distance until one day i was forced being in the same room as her at a friends place and they forced us to become friends again i agreed to it though. howeer i knew there was no way we woud never go back to being close like we used to. i put up a wall between me and everyone while still being friends with them so no one can hurt me like she did. because crying yourself to sleep every night for 3 months is not fun let me tell you that. its not her fault tho. its not her fault that he chose her over me even after ******* with my feelings for years. he hurted me alot too but she did more. but again its not her fault that he chose her over me, everyone would. i was never anyone's first choice to begin with. **** like that does not phase me anymore definetly left alot of scars though. but at least no one can hurt you like that anymore, or at least i hope no one does. oh haha remember that time when reema forced you to get back with amith knowing **** well you did not have any feelings for him what so ever, he begged you to get back with him remember? BUT DO YOU ALSO REMEMBER HOW HE TREATED YOU AFTER UPU GOT BACK WITH HIM??? **** you were too young to be scarred like this, you were manipulated and forced into things you never wanted to do. but i hope you are smarter now and instead of suffering i hope you are taking actions and standing up to yourm problem. i love you. this is not good bye future kunuka.