A letter from January 19th, 2021

Future me Dear FutureMe, Heyyy! I’m pretty worried about being able to balance focusing on school and figuring out college during covid so that’s fun. (Not.) School is hybrid, I’m virtual, everything is on google meet and google classroom. I’m a junior, the vaccine has come out and is being distributed to people 65+ and immunodeficiencies. They’ve already given it to hospital workers aka doctors and nurses. And they’ve given it to the House of Representatives. Speaking of the house, the Capitol breach (1/6/2021) was two weeks ago. Oh my goshhhh the meeting with Heiser should be soon!! Did it already happen? How was it XD. Yeah that was wild but tell Heiser that past you said hi!! Also tell Heiser that I (well you) was the one who told everyone to vote for him for employee of the month... I know... he caught me. The craziest thing is that I’m worrying about college and you’re in college— literally whatttttt. How is it going? Are you still a computer science major? Spanish minor? How did you keep dance in your life? How was/ is pole dancing classessss. My first SAT score was a 1220... so what ended up being your best SAT score. You probably don’t even care about your SAT score at this point! You’re graduating this year! My JRP grade doesn’t matter to you! You probably forgot about English Honors research papers. This is all insane to me so sorry for the constant digressing. Uh, I guess I’ll talk about personal stuff now. Might ask Taylor Canty on a valentines date, gonna do a photoshoot for Jya Marshall as a birthday present in Smithville, haven’t hung out with Sophie Shram in a while, still best friends with Alek Kimball, Alexis Chester, and Rayna Foushee. I’m on this discord channel with Taylor, Griffin Gaughan, Emma James (Emma and Griffin are still dating), Jada Marie Tabron, and some other band kids that are seniors. I am bisexual, all of my friends know, the parents know, and Jordyn obviously knows lmao. I am currently 90/10 female preference. Have not had my first kiss, have not been in a relationship, have not had someone tell me that they like me, technically have asked someone out (Taylor), have not been on a date with someone, have not been asked out by anyone.... So yeah, give me an update with all that lmao. Onto mental health. I’m currently doing pretty well not gonna lie but I was in fact depressed for almost 2 months straight and got a therapist (shoutout to our mom for getting me Mobin Chadha). It was absolutely terrible. 10/10 would not recommend. Definitely caused by being overwhelmed by school, burn out, and COVID. I had no sources of happiness except for dance and dance wasn’t enough because I would have to go straight back to homework. I was depressed from not hanging out with my friends and too depressed to hang out with my friends. I didn’t feel like I deserved it and I didn’t feel like I deserved anything except for happiness to be honest. And barely that. I desired happiness so much. It’s all I wanted. But right now I’m just trying to give myself more credit. I’ve been focusing too much on what I have to work on rather than what I’m doing well. It’s making me feel like I’m never doing enough, I’m never good enough, and I’m only proud of myself for two seconds before I say “welp I still gotta fix this grade” or something. I am 31/500 in my class, 3.54 unweighted GPA, 4.83 weighted GPA. I am smart. No matter how many times I tell myself I’m not or how many times it feels like my grades tell me I’m not. I’m above average and judging myself for not being above above average. Anyways, in general... how’s life. Relationships, mental health, school, family, everything. Please tell grandma and grandma I wish I was able to talk to them more right now and I am trying to make more time. Please remember that whoever you are in that moment. I love you. You love you. And you should. Whether you still haven’t had your first kiss or never improved your SAT score. You should be proud of you. <3 P.S. current slang: yikes, bro, sheesh, fire, pog :| , yessir, no cap