A letter from January 19th, 2021

hey. things are pretty bad right now. I know im losing my friends and every time we talk im reminded of how bad i have it compared to them. they make all these plans that i wish i could say yes to but theyre so excited i dont know how to tell them i can't afford it and that i would never be able to go. I've realized that i will never get to achieve the dreams i've always wanted. the simple dreams. everyones getting to live their dreams or start their new lives, but not me. I find it hard to even have hope. i feel like ive been kidnapped and ill never be able to escape for years. Im happy for them of course but when will it be my turn? everyday feels the same. its pretty meaningless right now. i hope everything's better by the time you read this. if not then idk keep hope? honestly ive been ready to just move, change my name, and create a whole new life where i get to be me. wonder how that plans going. keep hope babe. bye. <3