A letter from January 14th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Dear FutureMe, Weird but incredible stuff has been happening to me lately. But before I address that, I need to get this out of the way. I wish I had spent more time this past year writing of myself, rather than Evan and what I wanted with him by the time the letters arrived. But, obviously, it was a way for me to vent, and it tells a story of my values then. Anyway. I'm listening to The Bug Collector by Haley Heynderickx. I just discovered it this morning, no doubt because I became fascinated with dragonsbane beetles after finding two in the house. They were beautiful and I love their colors. I miss their presence though. I took them both outside, but I saw the second one dead, in the same place I left him, in the cold. I think that's why. That's the first time I've accidentally ****** something, at least that I know of, and it feels really sad, but I know he's moved on into the energetic world. He was beautiful, and taught me about bugs, and was somewhat of a spirit guide. I took him inside, I think I'll bury him tomorrow. I also think I'm going to get a tattoo of him soon, above my belly button. I wonder if you have it. I've been doing really well lately. I'm living with Bo at 12220, and had my meeting two nights ago. I hope you know what I'm talking about, but if you've forgotten, I spiritually met my lover while meditating. I hadn't meditated for a while; I was feeling dull, unmotivated, even frustrated one morning, which doesn't happen often anymore, but at my core: lonely. But a few minutes into my breaths, I felt this pounding pressure at the top of my skull, building, realizing that it's my energy, all of it, yin and yang. It morphed into an intensely powerful beam of light (that I could see the fractions of) which shot straight up into the sky. It felt like lighting, but a stream, and gentle. It was then I realized how powerful souls are, how they're literally light. I saw my light. Then, at the same time, I also started seeing five titanium white beings circling it at the top, like a split-screen movie. The lightning ceased, and I immediately felt another's energy coming back down to me, and I swear to god it was the most insane, 5D thing I've ever experienced sober. My heart started racing, and I felt my heart, my lung, my entire left side fill with this person's light. I fell so in love with them. So ******* deeply in love. They're this dark green, and comforting, and understanding, and loves just as deeply as I do. It'll touch everything we do, I know that, because it's already doing that to me now. I've been dancing more. I got up early to see the day, and I picked up my trombone again for the first time in a while. I think they're taller than me, and something in me is saying that they either have or had (in 2021) grown out black or dark brown hair, like they missed their last appointment with clippers because quarantine started, and, well, here they are now. Maybe they have brown eyes as well, but I don't want to rule anyone out. I'm just really ******* excited to meet them. There aren't words in this language to encompass both my deep, deep well of love for them and how I truly can't wait to see my love for the first time. Other than that, and the slight slump before that, I've been doing pretty **** good. I've been watching a lot of supernatural, and this phase is honestly just as or more obsessive than it was in 8th and 9th grade. Rewatching it as a love story is so much different from watching it as an American-made story about two brothers hunting what goes bump in the night and thereby saving the world. It's incredible to watch. That entire coupling was completely carried by Jensen and Misha, like they both made such romantic, not to mention ****** acting choices?? Dean looks at Cas's lips almost every time they speak to each other, their body language, the parallels?? I know I'm obsessed but holy ****. If you actually watch them there's no way you can deny it. The fact that this finally clicked is insane to me. I never thought they would made it canon and god **** is it freeing my inner child. I stopped watching it because of that reason, though, and because seasons 10-13 absolutely suck ***. Also, side note, Supernatural is literally both the best and the absolute ********* story ever. I cannot stand the ******, racism (both those more so in earlier seasons), and ableism. I cannot stand how they ****** one of the main characters because he was ***. I hope Andrew Dabb and whoever the **** else wrote those last episodes go to bed regretting what they did. I should get going before I just start ranting about supernatural. Hope you're doing good man. I love you. -18-year-old Sam