A letter from January 16th, 2021

Dear Future Me, I hope you figured your life out because if you recall I do not have everything figured out. I am not sure if I can graduate or will and what happens afterward? Well, I hope you found your passion, the profession you wanna do for the rest of your life. I hope you have friends, that are not toxic. I hope you moved out years ago and decorated your room the way you want to and it is color oriented. I hope you didn´t give up on life and are genuinely happy. I know you are supposed to be wiser than I am right now, but if life is not going great and you have a really hard time, think back. You managed to move out, didn´t you? You managed to graduate, didn´t you? You managed to go to a university, didn´t you? If you did, then do not be so hard on yourself, well on us or me? no, us. Don´t be afraid to take a risk. Be bold. Experience things. Travel the world. Didn´t leave the country in the past, do it now. Be spontaneous. Be happy. Be bold and unapologetically you. Be honest. Stand up for yourself. Think outside the box and read. Read a lot. Turn off your phone and just read. Put yourself first, okay? I know we never do that, but we deserve it. Put yourself first and love yourself. Try a different makeup style or different haircut or a different perfume, but change things up a bit. I know you get bored easily so do that. Treat yourself. I know we grew up without a father figure and it was hard. No kidding. Still, I hope that we learned to accept that. And don´t have such an inner conflict anymore. Are you single? Is he completely out of the picture? I know you know who I am talking about. Yes, I am talking about him. If yes, enjoy your single life, you always loved being spontaneous, and changes which are perfect when you´re single. If not, I am so happy for you, you found someone. I hope he is someone that loves you unconditionally, that makes you feel loved, special, amazing, beautiful, and enough. But I hope we feel like this by ourselves too. Selflove girl. That´s so important. So love yourself. Also, what about that girl? Did you ever talk to her again? The girl you have known since second grade. Did you? I am dying to know. If not, do you know where she is at in her life? Really curious over here. Well, either way, it´s the judging people without knowing the whole truth for me. It´s the accusing someone not wanting to accept that they are in the right and you are so far out of line for me. Whatever, if you didn´t talk to her ever again, I hope you at least got over all of them. As you know we are going through some not so easy times, but I hope we figured that out. I am about to turn 18 and you are about to turn 23. Wow 23 years old. That´s so sick and amazing. Be 22 and have fun and then turn 23 and have even more fun. Live life the way you want to. Pick your friends up go in your pajamas to a drive-thru and eat so much and then get coffee. Meet your best friend and travel. Eat all the amazing food and go to the beach or rhine or river at 3 am, listening to music and just dance and have fun. Do all the things I couldn´t do. I love you. Don´t let anybody get into your pretty little head, okay? Don´t let anyone convince you otherwise. You are beautiful and smart. Believe it. And choose to live by that. Live every moment like it is your last. Do not get this the wrong way. We are not going to give up on life. Do you hear me? We are not going to give up on life and living. We are going to live such a happy life, because you and me, we both deserve it. We ******* deserve it. That´s it that´s the reason. I love you *****. Have an amazing life. Kisses 17 year old you.