A letter from January 12th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, December 23rd 2020 I had an experience that I probably won't forget and it has left me longing for a relationship and to be in love, I don't know if you've figured it out yet, but I really hope so. It's funny that I know I have so much to offer and I could have a bright future but I just want someone to love me. I mean I know I'm loved, probably more than most people, but I want someone who knows me, all of me, the real me and loves me, is that too much to ask for? I'm currently listening to Justin Bieber's song lonely and the verse that keeps getting stuck in my head is "What if you had it all? But nobody to call, maybe then you'd know me. I'm so lo-o-o-o-onely". I relate to it, I "have it all" in terms of the love and adoration of my family, a bright future, a great reputation, wonderful friends who I trust more than anyone, everything I could possibly want (minus a good relationship with my dad but that's a whole other story) and yet I still feel so incredibly lonely and desperate and I know that when the time comes and I'm ready for a serious relationship the guy I end up with is going to be extremely lucky like Z told me today "You are a queen and deserve a king" but I don't want a king yet for now I just want someone to love me. I want someone who I can call at 2 a.m. when I have a headache and he'll worry about me and ask me if I'm ok in the morning. I want someone who tells me they love the way I laugh or that they think it's adorable when I get shy. I want someone who gets jealous if he sees me hanging out with or talking to other guys (I know this last one can be problematic but jealousy is a sign of caring (I bet you read that and cringed - or at least I hope you did because otherwise it's sign you haven't grown up much))