A letter from January 8th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, hey lover, i hope you're doing well, it did happen, we did end that situationship of ours, it did hurt, but now he's gone for the best inchaalah. I don't really have much to sa to you Manal i just felt the need to write another letter to you maybe just to let you know how was i doing on the 8th of january 2021. Sometimes i feel lost, like who am i gonna love? who am i gonna love again? i really start to feel like he is the only one i will ever love, as if he was perfect. For me he was more than perfect tbh if only i was just a little bit perfect for him it would be much much much better and i surely wouldn't be writing this letter right now. All i wanted and all i needed was him guess what he did neither want me nor need me, i just realized it 1 year later litterally one year later. Sometimes i wish he could feel what i feel just for a moment so he could maybe change his mind and decide to love me back, but love can't be built from zero and that's hard to accept but it is what it is. I'm so ******* frustrated cause we could be perfect he was perfect he made me feel so much and so intensly and he taught me how to be patient and to have faith in order to reach happiness. Maybe he was right maybe we do really need patience and faith in this life, but in my case hope and faith and patience have been the ones that ****** me up who literally broke me in pieces, the possibilty of an "US". Basically i did broke my own heart for all the expectations that i had and all the hope and faith that he somehow poured on me since day one. I still remember a sentence he used to say everytime i brought up topics about relationships he would say " inshallah it will be fine, we'll see" as if i had to prove to him that i was worth it, I SAID AS IF I HAD TO PROVE TO HIM MY WORTH. And i really have never realized how much this was toxic until now, i really was ignoring all the red flags. **** him, he don't deserve you and he'll never deserve you remember this please don't you ever fall for him again. obsessions: afghanistan, russia, chechenya, rif. fave song: arctic monkeys do i wanna know/ boys like you and btw i have just put braces on today. weight; 76 plus